When it was over, the cameras stopped rolling, the lights were moved off to another set, and the actors went to the showers. Alexa came over to speak to them.
“Was it what you’d imagined?” she asked Tommy.
“No, ma’am,” he said gravely. Mike’s hand tightened around his.
“I’ll be seeing you on Monday, right?” she addressed Mike. “I’m filming your scene with Sean Devlin.”
Mike nodded, and Tommy’s gut rolled over.Mike’s doing a shoot?The rest of their conversation went over his head. All he could think of was Mike, having sex where they were standing, surrounded by cameras and lights, him touching another guy….
“Hey.”
Tommy gave himself a little mental shake. Mike was regarding him, eyes full of concern.
“You all right?”
“Can we go now?” Tommy just wanted to get out of there. Yeah, he’d had his question answered, but it still left him with an awful big dilemma, one he was reluctant to mention.
“Sure.” Mike led through off the floor and back to reception, where Tommy handed over his badge. They walked out into the bright daylight, yet despite the warmth of the sun, Tommy felt cold.
This changes nothing.He understood clearly what Mike had tried to tell him, that it wasn’t real, but it didn’t alter the way Tommy felt about porn. Okay, so it was just a job to the likes of Trey, Nick, and Mike, but deep down inside him, Tommy couldn’t overcome his feelings of revulsion. There was a… wrongness to it that he couldn’t get past, no matter how hard he tried to see it from Mike’s point of view.
He was quiet throughout the journey back to Morningside, lost in his own thoughts. Mike didn’t attempt to engage him in conversation, for which Tommy was grateful. But it was a shock when the truck came to a stop and Tommy realized they were parked outside Mike’s house.
“What… why are we here?”
Mike gave a sheepish smile. “I thought we might spend some time together before I have to go to work.” He reached across theseat to take hold of Tommy’s hand. “I’ve really missed you this week.”
Lord, what do I say now?
He knew what Mike wanted. He knew where they’d end up—in Mike’s bed. And right then? Tommy couldn’t. Just… couldn’t. There was too much turmoil in his head. He wanted to yell at Mike, to ask why he couldn’t see what this was doing to Tommy. But he didn’t trust himself to speak. The words would come tumbling out of his mouth, and then everything would change yet again. He could almost picture the look of hurt on Mike’s face, a look that he would’ve put there.
Tommy knew there was only one thing he could do.
“Take me home, please?”
Mike stared at him. “What’s wrong?” He tightened his grip on Tommy’s hand, but Tommy pulled it away. “Tommy?”
“Please, Mike,” he begged. “Just take me home? I… I can’t talk about this right now.”
Mike paled. “Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
Yeah, you could quit doing porn, Tommy wanted to scream at him. “Trust me, you… you don’t wanna be ’round me right now. I’m… my head’s not in a real good place.”
Mike sat there so still. “You’re unhappy.”
Tommy kept silent. There was nothing to be said.
Mike sighed, the heavy sound rolling out of him like it came from his soul. “I’ll take you home.” Even his words had weight. He switched on the engine and backed out of the driveway.
“Thank you.” It was about all Tommy could manage. The hope that had filled him when Mike appeared in Caroline’s kitchen that morning had evaporated, leaving in its place a sick feeling of dread.
What if we can’t get past this? What if this reallyisthe end?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“So areyou gonna tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to beat it out of ya? Who pissed in your Cheerios?”
Mike carried on wiping down the bar, his back to Kevin. “Just leave it, will you?”
