Nash showers when we get home, and I order the food. My stomach is in knots the whole time. Colton gives me tender looks, gentle touches, chaste kisses, knowing how much I need them, giving me more strength and letting me know I’m never in this alone.
I have him.
I will always have him.
We sit around the table together, eating pizza and talkingabout Sadie’s and Nash’s day. I wait until we’re done, bellies full, and I can’t stall any longer. “I need to talk to you both about something important.”
The table quiets, the apprehension and nerves clear on their faces.
“What’s wrong?” Nash asks, the sound of his voice different than it had been moments ago. There’s an edge to it, a disconnect I haven’t heard from him in a long time.
“I got a phone call today. Apparently, your father is in the picture, and…and he’d like you to go live with him—”
“No. Fuck that.” He shoves to his feet, his chair tumbling to the floor.
Sadie flinches.
“I won’t let him take you. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you here. We’re a family. We’ll fight this. We’ll—”
“Like you fucking care!” he cuts me off. “You’re probably glad to get rid of me. It’ll make things a whole lot easier if you don’t have me.”
“That’s not true,” I tell him, as Sadie begins to cry. “I love you both. And we’ll fight this.”
“What’s the fucking use.” He lowers his head, shoulders curled in defeat. Then softer, he mumbles, “Nothing good ever lasts,” before lifting his head again.
“Nash. I’ll fight this. I promise. I—”
“Yeah. Sure. I know,” he says, but he sounds off, like he’s saying the words but doesn’t mean them. Nash walks around the table to Sadie, kneels beside her. “Hey, Sades. It’s gonna be fine. You heard James. I’m not going anywhere. He’s gonna make sure I get to stay here with you, okay?” he soothes.
She throws her arms around him, and Nash holds her, runs his hand up and down her back as she cries, telling her it’ll be okay. That no one can take him away from her. Thatthey’ve been through too much together and nothing can pull them apart now.
But it’s clear he doesn’t believe it. He’s resigned to the fact that nothing good lasts, that he’ll lose the only family he’s ever known. He reminds me so much of myself, of the similar feelings I’ve had.
The mood is somber after that. I try to talk to Nash, but he says he’s fine. That he trusts me. That he knows everything will be okay. Colton tries too but doesn’t have any more luck than I do.
“He’ll be okay,” Colton says when we’re in bed together that night. “We’ll prove him wrong. We won’t let them take him away from us.”
I nod, but for the first time since I met him, I don’t believe Colton.
I can’t sleep all night. I’m still awake when Sadie shoves through the door the next morning, frantic, eyes wide, and crying.
“James! Nash is gone!”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
James
Colton and Ishoot out of bed. We’re dressed and have slept with the door unlocked. It hadn’t felt right for anything else. I wanted to be accessible if either of the kids needed me.
“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Colton asks, but I’m already heading out of the bedroom and toward theirs. I don’t know why, why I have to see for myself, but I do.
The door is open, light on, Nash’s bed empty, blankets pulled up so it’s neatly made. Nash made his bed. Despite how many times I’ve asked him to, Nash has never made his bed. A sharp pang lands in my chest, tears stinging my eyes as I lean against the wall, looking at it.
Nash is gone.
Nash made his bed and left.
His phone is on the nightstand, so I rush over to it, but of course it’s locked. “Do you know his code?” I ask Sadie.
