“No.”
“I found this.” Colton holds up a piece of paper. “It was on the kitchen counter.”
He hands it to me, my eyes blurry as I scan it.
James,
Please take care of Sadie. She deserves that, and I’m sure it’ll be a lot easier without me here. I can’t go with him. I won’t. Make sure Sadie knows I love her. I wouldn’t leave her with anyone but you.
Thanks, for everything.
Nash
I pull the note close to my chest, trying to control my breathing. The spiraling starts, making my insides feel like they’re in a blender, but I fight through it, do my best to shove all that down.
Later. I can lose it later.
Right now, all that matters is Nash.
And Sadie.
I go to her, kneel in front of her. Hold her little scared face in my hands. “We’ll find him. We’ll find him and bring him home. No one will take him away from us, okay?”
“Okay.” She nods, then wraps her arms around me. I stand and lift her, holding Sadie to me while she cries.
Colton looks at us, his heart in his eyes, close enough to support us but giving us space.
Sadie stays close to me, like she’s afraid to leave my side, while I call the police and our caseworker. Colton calls his mom, who promises to get ahold of Dakota and Hannah, and before I know it, my living room is filled with people, police officers and our family—because that’s what they are to me now. My family. They’re all here to support us, to do whatever we need to bring Nash home.
“You were here with him, sir?” one of the officers asks Colton.
“Yes.”
“And you are…”
Colton’s gaze flicks to me, and I answer, “My partner. He’s my partner.”
The officer takes Colton’s name and information, all part of the missing person’s report for Nash. They leave with a promise to look for him and ask us to call them if he reaches out. Our caseworker came, as well. I’d had to call her too. Having to go through letting them know worries me, makes me worry they’re going to think I’m not good enough to take care of him.
My heart hasn’t slowed its beating all morning. It’s tight, hard to breathe, but again, I shove that aside.
“I know you don’t feel like it, but you should probably eat something, sweetheart.” Christine rubs my back, just wanting to support me, in a way Sandra had never done.
“Thank you. I don’t think I can, but Sadie…I need to make sure she eats. Good idea. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. I’ll go make her something.”
“I’ll do it. That’s what we’re here for.” She hugs me. “This is what family does.”
I nod, words trapped in my throat. She gives me a kind smile, then heads over to Sadie, who is sitting between Colton and Tasha on the couch. She has her head on Colton’s shoulder, his arm around her as she cries. Hannah, Dakota, and Elena are tossing ideas back and forth about what we can do. Christine moves into the kitchen to make Sadie breakfast, and it’s all so fucking overwhelming and beautiful and all I can think is I wish Nash were here to see it, to see how much we’re loved, to see how muchhe’sloved. To see what we’ve built together and that none of it will work without him. His absence leaves an empty space in the room. We love every part of him—bad mouth, sarcastic comments, and the biggest fucking heart that’s ever beaten in a fifteen-year-old’s chest.
“Thank you…all…for being here. I don’t know what we would do without you.”
“There’s nowhere else we’d be,” Hannah replies.
“We’ll find him,” Dakota says, and now, seeing all the love in this room, I think we will.
“We should make a list of places he might go and start looking,” Hannah says.
“The police are contacting his friends, but I’d like to do it too,” I add.
