“No. He’s fine. We’re good, right? Everything is good.” Colton drops his forehead against mine, and my eyes fall closed. I feel his breath against my face, and it reminds me to breathe myself. In, out, in, out. “That’s it. You’re doing so good.”
The muffled echo in my ears I didn’t even realize I heard until it started to quiet, keeps fading further and further into the background. Colton doesn’t let go of me, doesn’t move, touching me, breathing with me, helping me through the panic clinging to me. When I finally make my way through the chaos, the room is empty except for us, Henry, and the dean.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time.”
“It’s okay, buddy.” Henry squeezes my shoulder in support, but then I look up, eyes meeting with the dean. She glances back and forth between Colton and me—his backpack, the fact that he’s here, touching me this way and was close enough to make it quickly, and she must conclude he’s a student here. That we’re more than we’re supposed to be.
And…it doesn’t matter. Nash matters. Colton matters. I love him, and he’s not going anywhere, and if that affects my position here, we’ll deal with it. Right now, I just care about my family.
I push to my feet, my legs weak, but I ignore it. “I, um, need to go. There’s a family emergency with my brother.”
“The one who lives with you?” she asks.
I nod.
“Okay,” she says.
“I can cover his classes,” Henry offers. “We took finals last week in mine. I’m free to help all week.”
“Thank you, Henry.” He really is a good friend, and maybe it’s time I finally let him be.
“Thank you,” she tells him before her gaze flashes to Colton, then me again. “We’ll talk after winter break.”
We’ll talk, and it probably won’t be good, but I can’t find it in myself to care right now.
“Sounds good,” I reply.
Colton helps me pack my things, and as the two of us head toward the door…I take his hand.
“James…”
“It’s fine. I want to touch you. That’s all I care about.”
He nods, and the two of us go, leave. Together.
*
We decide notto pull Nash out of school early. I want him to enjoy his day and be able to go on with his life as much as possible.
I call a lawyer and get an appointment for a consultation, but the soonest they can see me is in two days. I want to know my rights, what we can do to keep Nash where he belongs.
“I won’t let them take him,” I tell Colton.
“I know, baby. His home is here with you, and we’ll do everything we can to keep him here.”
I nod, so fucking thankful to have him by my side. I don’t know how I would do this without him, but I do know I’d find a way. I refuse to let Nash down.
Colton goes with me to pick up Sadie from art, and then we head over to get Nash from basketball practice.
“What is this? Family night or something?” Nash jokes when he climbs into the SUV. Hearing him call us a family and knowing that I’m about to blow up his whole world makes my heart shatter.
“I was thinking we’d order pizza,” I say. “You guys want pizza?”
“I’m pretty sure he always wants pizza,” Sadie replies.
“Be nice, brat.”
He jokes back and forth with her, and all I can think is how much he can’t lose her. Nash wouldn’t know what to do without her. She is his world.
