Tears coat my face as I whine like a little boy. “I’m already losing my mind, Elsie. I see shadows and hear voices that don’t exist…I killed my parents and burned my house..and you’re not here to help me.”
I clutch the neckline of my shirt and pull onto it as I lean my head back, facing the sky and scream out to ease the weight on my chest and let out my anger on this world that seems to torment me alone.
A rusty shovel glints in the rain as it rests onto a nearby gravestone. I stand up and grab it firmly as I rub away my tears with the back of my hand and shove the shovel into the grave. The dirt weighs it down as I dig harshly. My nerves tighten as I use all my strength and the high adrenaline as I keep digging out, piling the muddy dirt onto the side.
Elsie’s grave starts to hollow out as I breathe heavily. The pale skin of a leg starts to appear as I throw away the shovel and dig the rest with my hands, scared of hurting Elsie’s body. The dirt brush off her body as she lays down dead.
She’s still beautiful as a corpse.
I brush my fingers onto her cheeks slowly as I lean down and kiss her forehead, lingering for a while as I try to find her familiar scent.
I slide my arms down her body as I pull her up into my arms and hug her. “I’m sorry. I want one last hug, mon ange.” I keep her in my embrace tightly for a while.
The rain seems to get stronger as I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to leave you here, Elsie. You will never be forgotten.” Holding her body up firmly as I carry her and walk out of the graveyard with her corpse laying limp in my arms.
Seven months later…
My footsteps echo over the grass as I head towards the sanctuary that has been the only place to find peace. I have picked this area for its space and the lonely tree standing in the middle, it’s probably years old from all the branches and veins wrapped around itself.
I buried Elsie’s body in here instead. She deserves more than being in between forgotten souls. The gray angel statue that I carved stands elegantly underneath the tree, basking in the shade. Elsie’s name is engraved into the stone as I remember carving every detail of her features and adding daisies over her body. The woman figure wrapping her arms around herself, indicating how she always feared to be herself in front of others and wanting to fit in.
She was such a fool.
She was the most extraordinary person I ever known and she needs to know it. I stand before the statue as I look down at her grave, where her body lays peacefully underneath the dirt.
I have planted Nicotiana plants around the grave so that the moths can grow and feed on them. Daisies scatter around the grass as the tree leaves fall over the statue.
“Hi, mon ange.”
My tone hushed, scared to disturb her eternal sleep as I kneel onto the ground.
“I finally got my acceptance letter in one of the biggest colleges abroad. I know you think I’m abandoning you, but I promise I’m not capable even if I wanted to. You will always be my home. I need to go for a few years to finally use my potential. I will be back to build our home.”
I let out a breath and lowered my tone, looking straight into the statue's eyes. “Elsie, I believe that I can get you back, but I have to see if I can do it and I promise I will dedicate every waking moment to it. Wait for me, please.”
Chapter Eighteen
The present
Clayton
Instrumental music fills the room from the record player with its own rhythm. The sounds mix together to carry a symphony that calms the nerves.
Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to work with me since Doll has been avoiding me for the past few days. Each time I talk to her or even glance her way, she looks at anything but me.
Do I disgust her now?
She hasn't seen the body of Thomas that I castrated but She has this unsure look in her eyes when they meet mine, it’s like she knows he is gone because of me and not by walking out of the door.
I settle down on the armchair as I hear her soft footsteps. She walks in the room and her eyes meet mine for a second until she looks away and heads past me. My hand reaches up, wrapping around her wrist as I stop her.
“Sit down.”
She says still for a second, knowing I won’t repeat myself. I feel the gears turning in her head as she finally sighs and sits on my lap.
I hold her chin with my fingers, turning her face towards me. “Why are you avoiding my presence, Doll?” I inch closer to her until my breath warms her cheeks. Her fingers fidget as she looks at me.
“Do I scare you?”
