So, I dropped out of college and spent my trust fund, then when I fucked everything up the wall, they used that as the excuse they needed to turn away from me. When you hear people say that money didn’t buy the most important things in life, they were so right. I may as well have had nothing. Because that was how it felt inside.
“What else was I supposed to do, Rome?” I asked, slightly calmer now, but there was a gaping hole in my steel heart.
“I don’t get where you get this idea that you're not good enough. Don’t listen to what your parents told you, listen to me, to Paisley, to Karen. You are fucking good enough. Stop with this self-hating shit. If I thought you weren’t a good enough mate, do you think I’d have brought you out here with me and tried to help you?”
“I’m an addict, Rome.” My voice was sombre, it was like everything he just said got lost. My chest heaved as I tried to drag some breath into my lungs. “Look at me. I’m a gambler, a drinker. All my problems only get solved in these places.” Myarms shot out and whirled around me to make my point, “or in the bottom of a glass.”
“There was a time you had a problem with drugs too, have you touched them since we left the UK?” My head shook in answer. I could handle a hangover. What I couldn’t handle was the comedown from substances. Then again, I swore I wouldn’t gamble too, but I soon caught that bug again.
“Roman. Just leave it. She’d be better off with someone else.”
He took a seat next to me, turned his head and looked me dead in the eye, “Do you mean that? Do you want to walk away from her, or is that your head talking? What about the baby? Your child. Did you really mean it when you said you didn’t love her?” I held his stare and I thought about it, hard. Maybe I did fucking love her. Was this what love felt like? I’d never met a person like her in my life. She made me want more and to be better. She didn’t push me; she didn’t give me ultimatums. She’d burrowed herself so far into my soul, I didn’t know what anything was anymore.
The next question: Did I mean it?
My hands scrubbed over my face and tired eyes as my headache spread across my brow and into the back of my eyes. The worst pain I felt though, was in my chest. The pain stabbed at my heart and, for the second time today, tears pricked at my eyes. I swiped the backs of my hand across my eyes before Roman saw it, I didn’t need him calling me out on being a pussy as well.
“Gav, mate, I need you to really think about what you want, because if you meant those words, then you’ve lost everything. If you didn’t, and they were in the heat of the moment, you need to tell her. You need to do everything in your power to make her understand, and you need to make her see how sorry you are. Everything else is salvageable. We can get you help for everything else.”
“Fuck,” I sniffed. My voice shook with emotion, I couldn’t hide the tears anymore. It was a feeling I’d never experienced. But still I nodded, and for the second time in my life, I thanked whoever was up there that Roman was always putting up with my shit.
“Why Rome? Why do you always pull me out of the gutter, you’d be better off walking away.”
“Because we’re not just mates, you’re my brother. And…well, I’m scared.” He shrugged. With my eyes wide at his statement, he met my gaze, “I’m scared I’m going to wake up one day and you won’t be around. What do I do then?” His body sagged and his shoulders hunched as he sat next to me. “Since I was twelve you’ve been there, my partner in crime. And even though I have Paisley now, I’ll always need my best mate, my brother, by my side.”Shit.“I know I don’t tell you this often, if at all, but I love you, Gav. You keep me grounded. You keep things real…”
“I’m sorry.” I choked out. “I don’t mean to make things harder.” If he kept going with all these feelings, I’d be fucking wailing. “If it means anything, I love you too, man.
He stood from the settee and held out his hand. I wiped my eyes from these pussy tears and took it, grasped it tightly and stood up.
Roman pulled me into a friendly man hug, “I’m always here for you, mate.” he patted my back as I patted his, then I pulled away to wipe my face.
“I know. I’ll try harder.” Just as I was removing any evidence of me being a pussy, Roman’s phone rang from inside his pocket. As he pulled it out, he glanced at the screen and answered. “Nik?” My eyes rolled. “What? Now? But she’s early!” I frowned at the one-sided conversation. He looked at me, panic written all over his face, which in turn concerned me. “Fuck. I’m on my way.”
“What’s wrong? Is she in labour?”
“Her BP is sky fucking high, and they’re taking her in to the hospital.” He started making his way for the door. “Nikki found her collapsed on the fucking floor having contractions.”
“Oh fuck. Do you need me to come?” He took in a deep breath and blew it back out and planted his hands on his hips.
“No. I need you to make this fucking right.” He was trying to act cool, but I knew Roman, and deep down he was fucking shitting bricks. He reached the door and turned back to me, “And Gav, for the record, I’m not bothered about me, you need to make this right for you.”
With a steady nod, I smiled. “Keep me updated.”
“Oh, and don’t go in there like a bull at a gate.”
“Okay, just go.” I rushed towards him and pushed him through the door and shut it behind him, putting my back against it to stop him from coming back in. My head shook and I blew out a sigh. What a fucking day. And my head still hurt.
I needed tablets, I left the room and went in search of someone to find me some paracetamol. I tapped the first guy I found on the shoulder. “Hey.”
He turned around and frowned, “Is Alex around?”
“Come with me.” I grinned at the grumpy fucker in front of me. As he walked ahead, I followed. We walked down a long corridor until we reached an office at the end. He knocked and opened the door. “Visitor.”
He held his arm out and I went in. Alex sat at his desk, all mighty and serious as he drummed his fingers together with his forearms settled on the desk.
“What can I do for ya, Gav?” How the fuck could he be so polite when every time I see him, he had to stop me from fucking up.
He directed me to the chair in front of his desk. I took his offer and sat down placing my elbows on the sides of the chair. “Ijust wanted to say thank you, again. You know, this is the second time you’ve stopped me from being a prick.”
