“Well, it seems you’ve got being a dick down to a fine art,” he grinned, “don’t worry. We’ve all been one of those. I know I have; ask Quinn.”
The mention of Quinn had me cringing. “And what has he had to say about my little outburst?”
Alex chuckled, I’m glad the fucker thought this was amusing, “Hm, Quinn. Luckily for you, my brother has returned to New York. He’s not as patient as I am. I remember being the same and partying too much; it was why he took me under his wing. And anyway, I’m managing this place until we can find someone suitable to run it.” He sighed and looked around, but something was playing on his mind, “but you know what, I might relocate. I need a new challenge and not much is holding me in the Big Apple anymore.” There was a wistful look on his face.
“Well, you can always give me a call if you want a tour guide, and when I say guide, I mean bars.” I grinned as I got up. “Look, I just wanted to say thanks, and of course, apologise for everything.”
Reaching my arm out across his desk I offered him my hand, he took it and as we shook, he held it a little firmer. “I appreciate it. You’ve got some good guys around you, buddy, let them help you.” I nodded swiftly and pulled my hand back.
“Thanks, Alex. Listen, I have to get going, I got some serious grovelling to do.”
“Pussy whipped!” He chuckled but carried on talking, “Lucas is outside the door, he’ll show you out.”
As I stood, I remembered the tablets I was on the search for. “You don’t have painkillers, do you?” He opened a drawer and slipped his hand inside; he shook a little white bottle at me, I took them from him, popped the lid and shook two out into myhand. “Thanks, mate.” With a swift nod of his head, I made it to the door.
Alex spoke again, “Just so you know,’ I turned back with my hand on the door, “You’re always welcome here.” I nodded with a smile and finally, with my tail tucked comfortably between my legs I hightailed it out of there. I’d have to stop a cab if I was going to get home anytime soon.
The air was warm on my face, even though it was late evening. Now to think about what I was going to say to Karen. My head still hurt and a sharp pain seared behind my eyes, but I’d take it, because right now, I’d rather that than knowing the pain I’d caused her.
Maybe there was hope for me yet.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Gavin
There’s a place in Hollywood that overlooks the hills on Mulholland Drive. It’s so peaceful there, to watch the sunrise and the sunset. It’s the most beautiful thing you could ever see. To watch the dawning of a new day, a fresh start. It was kind of spiritual, not that I was spiritual at all, but it was pretty amazing. I’d never thought of a sunrise like that. Or even the sunset. A sunset was the end of a shitty day, where you kicked back and went to sleep, to wake up and everything was new… only it wasn't. The same problems were still there, staring you in the face, but like everything, it was how you handled them. Of course, I didn’t handle shit, I just let my problems escalate instead.
I’d seen many sunrises since I’d come to Los Angeles, usually when I’d been pissed, or came home with my tail between my legs because I’d had a shit night at the casino. Luckily though, I hadn’t lost everything, unlike last year back at home, probably because I hadn’t got anything to bet with. Other than the clotheson my back, there wasn’t anything worth gambling with, and I wasn’t losing my car this time.I guess I had some resilience.
As I sat on the dusty ground and watched the sun as it lowered behind the hills, my mind went straight to Karen. Would she like to sit here and watch the sunset? Why do I not even know the answer to that question? I bet she would, being a photographer and all. Fuck, I’m a dipshit. I’d been so set on making it all about sex and so scared of being more intimate, that I didn’t even know the simplest of things about her. Other than the colour of her hair, the blue of her eyes and the pink of her cheeks when she blushed, and of course the way she kissed me so delicately with her rosebud lips, I knew practically nothing.
“You’re such a wanker.” I said out loud. It’s a good job there was no fucker around, they’d think I was going crazy. A sigh slipped through my lips as my mind went into overdrive. I could lose her over this. I might never get to hear her voice again, look into her beautiful eyes. Why? Because I let fear control me. I’m almost twenty-fucking-eight, it was time to grow the fuck up. I looked out, and noticed that the sun had disappeared, and a pinkish hue blended with the dusk that was falling. I smiled as I took out my phone. Just something as simple as a horizon made me think of Karen. It made me want to bring her here, hold her in my arms, and just looked out.
She was my future.
I was going to have a child. Fuck. I was going to be a dad, responsible for another human. Someone that could look up to me and be happy with me as his dad. Not like me, who hated his life.
And like an epiphany, I saw everything so much clearer. I needed Karen by my side, I needed to show her that I wanted to make a go of things.
I turned on my camera and flipped my phone around. The sky and the hills came into view on the screen and I clicked a few times.
My hands dropped to either side of me and as I pushed myself up from the ground, I dusted my jeans off and started back up the hill. Now I was sober, I could drive. I jumped in the first passing cab and made it back to mine in ten minutes. I unlocked my car, and like I was on auto-pilot, I headed in one direction.The only place I needed to be.
Once I’d parked, I jogged to the main door and pressed the buzzer for her apartment. It rang out twice before it was picked up. I didn’t know what reception I was walking into, but I was ready to take on the chin whatever Karen wanted to give me, I just hoped she take me back.
“Hello.” My shoulders sank though when it was Holly’s voice I heard and not Karen’s.
“Holly, it’s Gav.”
“What do you want?”
“Is Karen there?” I directed my frown at the speaker, stupid fucking question.
“She’s sleeping.”That’s it?I thought. “Gav, you’ve upset her enough for one day, go home.”
“I need to talk to her.”Fuck me.“Can you see if she’s awake, please?”
“Erm… no.”
