I planned to forget why I was so upset, or that I even started to feel something for someone else. That was crazy in itself. What was even more crazy was that she wanted me. Me. She was willing to take me as I am and my problems with no questions.
As my head lolled between my shoulders, my back hunched and my focus was fuzzy, but still I found my glass. With a tight grip, I lifted it back to my lips and gulped down the contents in one, then with a flick of my fingers it slid back across the marble surface of the bar. “Keep them coming, mate.” I said lifting my head as well as I could, but honestly, I could barely make him out. I’d already been on the tables and lost another shit load of money. When I had the shake of the head from the dealers, telling me no more, I knew I had to stop, so decided to get pissed instead. What else did I have to lose… fuck all. I hadn’t even got my dignity anymore, that was somewhere between the tables and the bar, but I didn’t fucking care. Not anymore. But if there was one thing I knew, it was that I didn’t deserve her. She deserved someone good, someone who could put her first. As water filled my eyes, I swiped roughly at them. I had no idea who the fuck I was these days. I looked at my glass and saw it was still empty.
“Hey, mate. Single malt.”
“Sorry, bud. Can’t do that.” I frowned at the poster-perfect guy behind the counter. He’d got that real Hollywood sun kissed look about him.Ugh.
“Why the fuck not?” I asked, gritting my teeth.
“You’ve had enough.”
My nostrils flared with temper. “Look,bud.I’m a paying customer, and I'm asking for another drink.”
“And I’m saying no.” The voice from behind was firm and steady. I thought I knew that voice. I swung around to put the face to the voice, and as I spun, I felt myself falling. I reached out to grip the bar to stop myself from hitting the deck.
“Alex?” I questioned as I lifted my heavy head and attempted to look through my foggy vision.
“What you doing here, Gav?” He asked.
“Getting pissed.” I shrugged, scraped my glass back across the marble surface, I picked it up and looked inside of it, “Well, I was.”
“Then why didn’t you go to a normal bar? They’d let you drink yourself stupid, I’m not.”
I turned back to lean on the bar and slammed the glass back down. “Look, I’m not causing trouble. I just want a drink.”
“Come on, dude. Let’s get you off this stool.”Alex soothed but I was in no mood for it.
“NO! I want a drink.”I moved around as I tried to shrug his hands from me.
“Tough. You’re not getting any more today.” When he still had me in his iron grip, I tried to swat his hands away, but they held me tight, then from the other side someone else held me and helped me off. I was almost carried through to another room as my feet dragged along the floor and my body was held up in their arms. I was dropped onto a couch and my head sank into a pillow.
I could hear Alex talking, but I had no idea who to, it couldn’t have been me, he sounded like he was half a mile away. “I need a drink.” I slurred again. I licked my dry lips and tried to open my eyes that little bit wider, but they were like lead weights and Icouldn’t keep them open. “Get me a drink!” I slurred louder, but still nothing.
Darkness fell behind my eyes as I slipped into an alcoholic coma. Fuck this shit. I let sleep take me, maybe when I woke, all this shit wouldn’t be happening.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Karen
He left me.
There was a piece of me that thought he may have turned around, saw me upset and come back to hold me. I was so fucking wrong.
I was so wrong about him, and I think that’s what hurt the most.
My body jolted from the slam of the front door, and my knees buckled under me, my legs couldn’t hold my body up any longer. I collapsed into the armchair devastated. The loud sobs tore through me as I curled into a ball, real gut-wrenching sobs, but I didn’t know how to stop them. How could someone feel so much for someone in such a small amount of time? But I didn’t just like him or have some feelings for him, I fucking loved him, and now I was carrying his child.
He’d completely dismissed me.
How did I get through that?
How could I begin to process that he didn’t want to be part of his child’s life? Or even mine?
Every time I thought more about his words, the sobs got louder. I needed Holly. My arms wrapped around my body, I tightened my hold on myself, then with shaky fingers I picked up my cell from the table and found her name, quickly tapping out a simple message:
I need you.
Once I’d hit send, I dropped my cell from my hand and went back to my former position with my knees tucked into my chest. I hugged them as tightly as I could, but I was cold. I knew the cold was coming from within. My head drifted to the side and leaned against the back of the couch as I tightened my hold on myself, I couldn’t get warm. Reaching up, I tugged the blanket from the back of the sofa and covered myself up.
