“I see the way you look at me.” The hollow laugh sounds foreign even to me. Red mist settles on my brain, throwing all caution out the window. “Admit it. You want something from me, but your pride would never let you say it.”
Jackie’s nostrils flare, a deep scowl twisting her features. “Forget it.” She springs up, snatching the empty cup.
Over the years, I kept replaying our relationship on a loop, analyzing and dissecting every detail in my mind. I’ve lived with this hurt inside my chest for too long. If I don’t let it out now, it might suffocate me.
“Why did you leave, Jackie?”
The loaded words float between us like a cloud of poisonous gas. I know the answer, but I want to see if she has the courage to admit it.
Her mouth slackens, frozen at the edge of the fire pit, eyes stormy and wide, all her emotions swirling under the surface.
“It was a once in a lifetime opportunity,” she stutters, clutching the mug to her chest. “The spot opened in the MBA program…It was important for my future.” Jackie’s voice wavers, but she holds her chin high.
I’m not buying it. “Bullshit,” I say sharply. “The truth, Jackie.”
My fingers tap a nervous rhythm on the flat armrest as I force myself to stay seated.
Her lips are sealed, but her body betrays every emotion rushing through. The pulse in her neck flutters and red patches of skin blossom on her cheeks, creeping up to her forehead.
“I swear to God, you and your brother are…” I rub my face with both my palms, pressing my elbows into my knees. “Who raised you? Never mind…” It’s pointless to go into the history of her dysfunctional family dynamics.
Jackie’s eyes narrow to slits, and a cold mask of fury settles over her features. “Fine,” she hisses through clenched teeth. “You want to talk about it?”
I’m on my feet before I realize it, fists curled at my sides, heart pounding. “Spit it out already. What was it? What made you leave me behind like I meant nothing?”
Jackie stumbles back like I’ve struck her, but I can’t back down now. “Go on. Say it.”
“Because I had to take care of myself.” Her voice is low, brittle. “Because I didn’t want to be the stupid college girl falling for the eternal skirt-chaser frat boy.”
I stare at her, stunned. Is this another trick to disguise the real reason she’s too proper to reveal? “What the hell is that supposed to mean? What did I do so wrong? After a year together, I didn’t even deserve a real conversation?”
“You’re something else,” she screeches, throwing her arms up. “Still playing the innocent card.”
“What are you talking about?” My voice cracks with frustration.
“The woman you were on a date with.”
My stomach flips, bile rising in my mouth. “What woman, Jackie? You had me completely, what are you—”
“Someone saw you,” she says coldly. “Out with her at some bar. All while we were together.”
All the air whooshes out of my lungs, and I force the next words out past the rising nausea. “So…so…” I stumble, failing to find the proper way to explain how absurd she sounds. “You took off without talking to me? Asking me about it?”
Jackie closes in on herself, wrapping her arms around her middle. “I was hurt.”
“You were hurt?! You broke my fucking heart!” It comes out hoarse as my throat closes around the words. “You killed me when you left like that and acted like I didn’t exist. For years!”
“It made sense,” she snaps. “You had a whole history before me, while I never dated much. I…I didn’t want to be the fool.”
The fire has died down, and the chill of the night settles in my body, sending frissons down my back. A night creature’s howls pierce the pressing silence following her confession.
We’re mere feet apart, but I’ve never felt so far removed from the only woman I ever loved. Not even when she shattered my heart.
“So you made one out of me. Great job, Jackie.”
“Don’t play the victim—”
“I was going insane.” I’m pacing around the chair, gravel crunching beneath my boots. “Spinning in circles in my own head.”
