Against every shred of better judgment, and through the muffled echoes of everything he’s broken in me…
I still want the food, and wine…and babies.
With him.
Chapter Twenty
ADAM
Incandescent sparks drift upward into the clear, star-pierced sky, the fire crackling in the backyard pit, its warmth brushing my face. Sipping Eliza’s magic hot cocoa, sweet and rich on my tongue, I’m surrounded by some of the people I love most in the world.
This almost feels like peace.
“If the wedding planner sends me one more binder, I might reconsider the whole marriage deal,” Eliza mutters, slumped in her chair with a defeated look.
Carter’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, his cup stalled in midair.
Eliza catches his alarmed expression and bursts out laughing. “Eloping’s starting to sound better by the day.”
He sets a hand on her wrist. “Whatever you want,” he says. “I’ll go along with it.”
“Mr. Inflexible? That’s a first.” I look at him over the rim of the oversized cocoa mug.
“But…your mom,” Eliza says, worrying her lower lip.
“She’ll get over it.” Carter gently lifts her hand and kisses her palm. “I wantyouto be happy. We could do it here. With just our friends and close family.”
The flames dance in Eliza’s glassy eyes, and Jackie looks proudly at her brother. “One of the best ideas you’ve ever had.”
The most shit-eating grin spreads across Carter’s face. “Sweetheart, did I tell you how much Jackie loves peachy, fluffy dresses?”
“Oh, shut up.” His sister laughs, grabbing a pebble and tossing it at him. “Maybe Eliza would like to knowwhenexactly we had that conversation.”
“You know what.” Carter stands, pulling Eliza with him. “I’m going to come clean to my fiancée in the privacy of our room.”
“Solving all your conflicts in the bedroom?” It was meant to be a jab at my best friend, but Eliza blushes, hiding an embarrassed smile behind her fist. “You might be on to something.”
Carter throws me an irritated glare, plasters a giggling Eliza to his side, and leaves, disappearing behind the brush that hides this area from the house.
The guards are patrolling the perimeter somewhere, the sound of the burning wood fills the pine-scented night, and I’m once again alone with the woman capable of burning my common sense to the ground.
Across the pit, Jackie glows in the flickering light. The tension in her shoulders has blurred into something tender, and she looks serene for the first time in months.
She’s curled up in her chair, sipping cocoa, and I can’t stop watching her. The amused crinkle of her nose, the slight bob of her throat as she swallows. My gaze catches on her mouth when the tip of her tongue flicks out to sweep foam from her lower lip.
“They make tying the knot look fun,” I murmur, thinking out loud.
Jackie stares at me, molars grinding, like she’s chewing on her next words. “Do you even see yourself as someone who wants…that?”
We’re treading on dangerous territory, but I can’t make myself step away to a safe distance. “Are you proposing?”
She lets out a dry, humorless laugh. “That ship sailed a long time ago.” Then, staring at the flickering firelight, and after abeat, she adds under her breath, so quietly I nearly miss it, “Don’t you think?”
A twist of something ugly coils in my stomach. What game is she playing? She’s the one who insisted on keeping us a secret back then. And I went along with it, even if it hurt me. I loved her. I thought that was enough, until she showed me I didn’t matter.
She’s probing for something, and I’m done tiptoeing around whatever is happening here. “Don’t tell me you changed your mind?” It comes out harsh, and she flinches.
“No, I never said we should…”
