“I don’t see you that way,” Hannah said and inclined her head slightly. “I see someone who was drowning and didn’t know how to ask for help. I see someone who made a very human mistake and has been punishing herself for it. I see my wife, who I love,who I’ve failed, and who I want to support through this.”
The word “wife” buzzed through Janie like an electric shock. It was too presumptuous, too much like claiming something that was broken. “I thought you’d hate me.”
“I could never hate you.” Hannah pulled Janie back against her chest and stroked her hair. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. Even when we were apart, even when I was hurt and confused, I loved you. And nothing you tell me could change that.”
They sat like that for a long time, Janie crying while Hannah held her, murmuring reassurances and being present in a way she hadn’t been for so many months. Eventually, Janie’s tears slowed, then stopped, leaving her exhausted and wrung out but somehow lighter.
“We need to tell David,” Hannah said. “First thing tomorrow before your mother’s lawyers blindside him with it.”
“I know. Maria said the same thing.”
“Smart woman, that Maria. When do I get to meet her?” Hannah pressed a kiss to the top of Janie’s head. “Are you okay? I know that was...a lot.”
Janie pulled back to look at Hannah. Really look at her. There was no judgment there, no disappointment, no hidden anger. Just love, concern, and determination. But she still couldn’t quite believe it. “I thought you’d think I was unfit. I thought you’d agree with my mother.”
“Never.” Hannah wrinkled her nose. “You’re an incredible mother, Janie. You’re patient, and creative, and loving. Our girls adore you. And yeah, you made a mistake, but that one moment doesn’t define you. It doesn’t erase everything else you are.”
“I don’t know how to stop feeling like I don’t deserve them,” Janie said.
“Then let me help you remember that you do, and that you’re the one who had the strength to build this family from the start.” Hannah kissed Janie’s forehead softly. “Let me show you. Every day. Until you believe it.”
Something cracked in her chest, not breaking, but opening,as if her heart wanted the light to get into the dark place Janie had created and sealed shut for too long.
“Do you want to stay tonight? Not with me. I’ve moved into the guest bedroom. But you could stay in the master, just to be close.”
Janie’s heart raced. Part of her wanted more than that. She wanted Hannah to invite her into her arms, into her bed. But she didn’t want to move too fast either, and right now, she was caught up in the intense vulnerability of her relief. Anything they did tonight would be ill-conceived. They’d been building toward this for days, but it still felt momentous. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay. But for now, can you just hold me like this, right here?”
Hannah squeezed her a little tighter. “Of course. I want you to know you’re not alone in this anymore. I’m going to be better for you, I promise.”
“Thank you,” Janie whispered.
“For what?”
“For not hating me. For...still wanting me.”
“Always.” Hannah’s breath was warm against Janie’s neck. “I’ll always want you. Even when things are hard. Maybe especially when things are hard. Thank you for letting me be here for you now when I haven’t been for so long.”
Janie laced her fingers through Hannah’s, and for the first time in months, it was like she could breathe. The secret was out. The worst had been said. And Hannah was still here, still holding her, still choosing her.
“We’re going to be okay,” Hannah murmured. “All of us. We’re going to fight this and win, and we’re going to be stronger than we were before. I promise I’ll never stop seeing you again.”
Janie closed her eyes and let herself believe it.
They were going to be okay.
Together.
CHAPTER 17
Solo had yetto become comfortable with visiting Rae’s office. She’d much preferred the couple of Zoom sessions they’d had. But sitting in the waiting room with Janie beside her grounded her. They were actually on the same team for the first time in forever.
Janie’s legs bounced, and she clasped her hands tight in her lap as she sat upright in the chair like she was waiting for a judge to pass sentence. Solo covered Janie’s hands with her own, stilling the anxious movement. “It’s going to be okay,” she said quietly, not wanting the far-too-cool receptionist to overhear.
“I know. I just...” Janie took a shaky breath. “I haven’t been here with you since I left. What if we can’t?—”
