And that’s when I taste it.
Ripping my mouth from his, I take two steps backward, studying him carefully. His eyes are a little glassy, but not from emotion, like I first thought. And there was no mistaking the taste and smell of him. I touch a trembling hand to my lips, unwilling to believe what my senses are telling me. “Have you been drinking?” I whisper, finally.
Genuine fear flashes in his eyes, and he swallows hard. Seconds feel like hours as I wait for his response.
“I swear to God, Luke, if you fucking lie to me right now…” I trail off, unsure how I’m even going to end that sentence.
“Yes.” He winces as he says it, blinking rapidly and dropping his gaze, guilt etched across his face as he stares down at the floor.
My heart plummets at his admission, out of my chest and down, down, down until it feels like it’s splattered all over the floor at my feet. He was still in bed when I left the house, which means he made the conscious decision to break my number one rule. He knew better. Heknew,and yet he chose to completely disrespect me anyway. A second, even more sickening realization hits me. “How did you get here?” I demand.
He squeezes his eyes shut, tensing like a dog waiting to be kicked. “I drove,” he says in a small, pathetic voice.
I press my fingers to my eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath and willing my heart rate to slow. “This collab isn’t happening. I’ll let you explain to Rod why.”
And with that, I turn on my heel and make for the door, ignoring Luke’s pleas for me to let him explain. I can’t even look at him right now. I’m completely numb.
It’s only after I’ve made it safely home that I allow myself to break down.
30
LUKE
What the fuck have I done?
My chest feels tight, and my breathing is short and shallow. I’m vibrating with full-body chills, even though I don’t think it’s that cold in this hotel room. Rod has emerged from the bathroom, and I think he’s trying to speak to me, but everything sounds distorted and far away, like I’m underwater.
I’m such a fucking idiot. I’ve been so afraid to bring up the incident with Cooper in our house—and more afraid of his reaction to it—that I didn’t take Riley’s biggest rule into account. It’s the one thing he mentioned the very first night we met. I had so much anxiety over the thought of having to share him with someone else, and I just thought maybe a little bit of that scotch would take the edge off, the way it has the other times I’ve felt nervous or stressed. Now I’ve brokentwoof Riley’s rules, and he walked out on a shoot, and I don’t see how I’m ever going to recover from this. This is my worst nightmare coming true, and I have no one to blame but myself.
A gentle touch to my shoulder pulls me out of the dark waves of my thoughts, and my lungs finally pull in a full breath and let it out in a gasp.
“Hey, mate, it’s alright,” Rod says slowly, as if speaking to a spooked animal. “We can take a rain check, okay? You want me to drive you home?”
My emotions swing to the opposite end of the pendulum, and I’m overwhelmed by the kindness of his offer and understanding in his eyes. I can feel my lower lip trembling, and I willnotlet myself lose it here. I nod, not trusting my voice, and fumble to get my keys out of my pocket and hand them over.
Rod claps me on the shoulder with a sympathetic smile, and we head downstairs.
I’m quiet the whole drive home. It feels weird to be in the passenger seat of my own vehicle, and I would have been fine to drive, but there’s no way I’m letting Riley see me behind the wheel right now. Rod is chattering away, filling the awkward silence with anything and everything that pops into his mind. I’m grateful that he’s not judging me or trying to give me advice I didn’t ask for. Although I could probably use some, since I obviously only know how to make a bad situation worse lately.
We arrive at the condo all too soon, and I order a car for Rod back to his hotel. It’s the least I can do after wasting his time.
He sits down on the curb to wait, and I do my best to mentally prepare to face my boyfriend. “Luke?” he calls when I’m halfway to the door. I turn to face him. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know one thing. That boy adores you. Anyone who’s seen your work together can tell, and I know you can work it out. Just talk to him.”
I nod and try for a smile, my throat feeling tight and my eyes burning. Rod and I have only chatted casually, mostly about work and trying to coordinate something, but I owe him big time for this. It’s his bottom line that’s being affected by my fuckup, not just mine and Riley’s.
God, Riley… How am I ever going to be able to face him?
Taking a deep breath, I let myself into the condo. It’s completely silent, and at first, I think maybe he isn’t home, when I notice the patio door cracked open just a sliver. Swallowing hard and bracing myself for whatever is next, I put my phone and my keys on the entry table and make my way outside.
I don’t know what I expected to find, but the sight of Riley’s sweet, pillow-soft lips set into a hard line and his eyes red-rimmed like he’s been crying nearly breaks me. He’s staring at the wall, eyes unfocused and bright with tears again. “I’m not interested in your excuses, so unless you’re here to tell me the truth about what’s been going on, I don’t want to hear it.”
His voice is flat and lifeless, and suddenly I feel like the world’s biggest coward. I’m the one who did this to him because I was too scared to open up, and even now, that fear hasn’t abated. I swallow around the lump in my throat, unsure of what to say other than, “I’m sorry, sunshine. I…don’t know what I was thinking.”
A lie.I was thinking that I was going to lose my goddamn mind if I had to watch Riley with someone else in front of my own two eyes. It’s one thing to know that it’s happening conceptually, but another entirely to see it. He hasn’t asked me to edit his videos since we started collabing with other people again, and I was relieved. If I don’t have to see it, I can just ignore it.
Clocking the lie immediately, Riley turns a sharp gaze on me. His eyes are the lightest green, almost translucent. The fury building around him, combined with his soft, angelic features, makes him look kind of terrifying. “If you’re going to stick to that line, then we have nothing to talk about,” he spits.
“You’re right.” I raise my palms in surrender. “I’m sorry.”
