Ronan winced, because he knew that she was telling the truth. Thalia cared for him. Why she did, he could not begin to imagine. He supposed it was because she saw in him what she wanted to see, what she felt she had to see for this marriage to work. But that was not the real him, and she needed to be made to see that.
“This was a marriage with a purpose,” he continued, his voice turning distant, his gaze looking past her. “Last night was not the purpose. For that reason, it is imperative that it not happen again.”
“Ronan…” He dared a glance at her, seeing the pain in her eyes. “You do not have to do this.”
“I wish for you to know that I will continue to honor our agreement,” he continued, still looking past her. “A marriage of convenience, and nothing more. You and Olivia will remainhere. I will treat you both with respect and dignity, and in return all I ask is that you accept what this marriage was always meant to be and leave it at that.”
He dared another glance, expecting a rebuke. Thalia looked at him as if she did not recognize him, as if she did not understand the words coming out of his mouth. But the way her eyes watered, and the way her lips trembled, told him that she understood perfectly.
“I am sorry, Thalia,” he said. “But this is for the best. It is… it is safe,” he emphasized. “Better for you, and better for Olivia.” He furrowed his brow as he ran through what he had just said, deciding his point was made and that to remain any longer would only add to the danger.
And so, with nothing else to say, Ronan turned and left the room. A part of him was glad that Thalia did not try to stop him… a great part shattered because deep down, he had hoped that she would.
This is for the best… the only way. Thalia and Olivia will be safe. They might even be happy. And me? I was never meant to be happy, but perhaps some joy will be found in knowing I did the right thing.
Words that sounded good but provided little comfort. Ronan was once again on his own; the way it was meant to be.
Thalia sat in a state of shock as she watched after Ronan, caught between chasing him and making him see how wrong he was, while knowing there was no point.
Why am I even surprised? That is what I should be asking. Is this not the man I married? Is this not how things always go? One step forward, two steps backward, the path we walk leading to different places.
It broke her what had just happened, and there was no point in denying that. For a moment there, Thalia had allowed herself to believe that things were going to change. She was falling for the duke, he was falling for her, and in another world maybe they would be happy.
Sadly, happiness and the duke were two things that were not meant to co-exist.
This wasn’t about her. Nor was it about Olivia. It was about the duke and until he came to terms with whatever it was holding him back, nothing was going to change. Thalia had tried to make him realize what this was. She had been desperate to break through his walls so he could see the truth. But it was a fool’s errand, and she was done trying.
As the duke said, this marriage was only ever meant to be one of convenience and now that he had confirmed it, now that hehad rejected her, all she could do was play along and bury her feelings so they might never find her.
And most of all, she had to forget about the duke. That, she knew, would be the hardest thing of all.
Twenty-Two
“Where is His Grace?” Olivia asked Thalia as they walked in the back garden together. It was a sunny morning, the birds were chirping, the flowers—those few that existed in the dead garden -- were blooming, and the light breeze which wafted across the estate was perfect.
It was the type of day that clashed perfectly with Thalia’s downtrodden mood. It might have been shining brightly on her shoulders but inside there was a storm which wrecked her.
“Oh… he is busy,” Thalia said simply.
“He is always busy,” Olivia grumbled.
“He is a duke,” Thalia explained, ignoring the best she could the way her chest tightened. “Being busy is unavoidable.”
“I have not seen him in days,” she pressed. As she did, she looked around the garden and back toward the castle as if she expected to see him suddenly appear. “Is he avoiding me?”
“Of course not.”
“Then where is he?”
It broke Thalia’s heart and it took all the strength she had not to weep.Shemight have come to accept that the duke refused to admit his feelings for her, and that he was set on avoiding her at every turn, but it was Olivia who suffered because of it.
She was just a little girl, so young and unaware that to try and explain to her why the duke wanted nothing to do with them would have been impossible. Thalia thought the best method might have been to say nothing and simply hope that Olivia did not notice. But that was never going to work.
Olivia had grown attached to the duke, and she expected him to be a part of her life. And now that he wasn’t, she was struggling to figure out why so that the only answer she could come up with was that she had done something wrong. That he hated her.
“I will speak with him later,” Thalia promised her… a lie, which she hated having to do. “He is busy, but I am sure he can make time for you.”
“I hope so,” she said earnestly, still searching for him. “I miss him.”
