Thalia had to sniff back the tears because she did not want Olivia to see them. “I miss him too.”
That time, Thalia was not lying.
Despite everything, Thalia missed the duke more than she thought was possible. So strange, as they hadn’t spent that much time together, and most of when they had was done in awkward silence or argument. But it had never been about what they said, more what they didn’t say.
It was how she had felt when she was around the duke. With him came a sense of protection the likes of which she had never known. The feeling that when they were together nothing could hurt her. He was not warm. He was not companionable. But he was strong and protective and when he looked at her she knew without the need for words how he felt.
“Come on…” Thalia took Olivia by the hand. “Let’s go beyond the garden today. I think we need to give our legs an extra-long stretch.”
“Where?” Olivia brightened.
Anywhere but here…“I don’t know. Let’s walk until we drop.”
“You’re silly,” Olivia giggled. “How will we get back?”
“You can carry me,” Thalia said. “I think you’re strong enough.”
To that, Olivia giggled further.
That was the difficulty, trying to keep Olivia distracted so that she did not notice the duke’s absence.
The first few days it was easy enough to do, and whenever she asked about the duke, Thalia would simply say that he was busy and that he would come and see them when he had time. Rarely was Olivia happy with this answer, but she accepted it because what else could she do?
As the days wore on, the difficulty increased.
“I want to see him,” she pouted one evening as Thalia tucked her into bed. “I want to say goodnight.”
“You can’t, Olivia,” Thalia said. “He is?—”
“Why is he always busy?”
“I was going to say that he is not home.” She raised both eyebrows at her daughter. “How can you say goodnight to someone who is not here?”
“But he is home!” she protested. “I heard him.”
“You…” Thalia swallowed. “You did?”
“Yes! Please. Can I see him? I want to say goodnight.”
“Perhaps tomorrow.”
“You said that last night!”
Olivia was becoming frustrated, and this frustration turned to sadness. Not only did it hurt Thalia like nothing else, it had the added effect of keeping the duke front and center of her own thoughts. How was she supposed to move on if she had to think about him every minute of every day?
“Why does he not eat?” Olivia demanded as they sat for supper a few nights later. “He never eats!”
“He does,” she said. “But in his office. He has a lot of work to do.”
“He hates me, doesn’t he…” Olivia sniffed and looked down at her plate. “I know he does.”
“Olivia, he does not hate you. Do not ever say that.”
“Then where is he!”
It was getting too much. Thalia was desperate to do as the duke had commanded and avoid him. Not just because he wanted it, but because she needed it also. Out of sight was out of mind and she wanted him divorced from her thoughts.
Sadly, that just wasn’t possible.
