Mostly, his thoughts concerned Thalia and the kiss that should never have happened. Hours later, and he could still taste Thalia on his lips. He could still feel the way his heart had erupted when he had pulled her into him. And he could still remember those few moments of joy and hope when she returned the kiss, confirming what he had always known. That she cared for him…
If only things were that simple.
Ronan should never have kissed Thalia, and that was what plagued him as the hours stretched into the night. It did not matter how he felt. It did not matter what he wanted. It did not even matter that there might be a chance, however remote, that they could make this work.
All that mattered was what Ronan knew. He was not who Thalia thought, not caring, not kind, and certainly not safe. The attraction was there. The passion too—there was no doubt. But that was fleeting and when it died, the real him would be all that was left. And it terrified him to think about what might happen when that side of himself was revealed.
Thalia had broken him. She had shattered the walls and lured out the side of himself he tried so hard to keep tame. Promises made and then broken. The right thing wanted but ignored because Ronan could not control himself.
He paced his room for hours, trying to decide what he would do. And as the night stretched into darkness, despite what he wanted and what Thalia thought she wanted, he knew too well the only answer that was acceptable.
I just pray that she understands, and that she is able to forgive me… not that I deserve it.
It was the next morning that he found her.
After breakfast, when he knew that she would be alone. Olivia was outside playing, and she sat in the reading room, the sun shining across her face, a smile on her lips that had Ronan stopping and wondering if this was the right move.
She was just so beautiful. So pure. An innocent creature of whom he had taken advantage. And he was the monster that she needed to be warned away from. For better, or worse.
“Good morning…” He walked into the room but was careful not to get too close.
Thalia looked up and saw him. He did not need to guess the intention behind her warm smile. “Ah, there he is. I thought you might have joined us for breakfast.”
“It was better that I didn’t.”
Doubt flashed behind her eyes as she must have noticed how awkwardly he was behaving. How tense and careful. “Oh?” was all she was able to say.
“Last night,” he began. “We… we need to speak of what happened.”
She held onto her smile, and it spoke of hope. “Do we? I feel that we said enough.” A soft chuckle. “And sometimes actions speak louder than any words can.”
“Sometimes actions can be misinterpreted,” he said, hardly able to look at her. “Which is why we need to talk.”
She bit into her lower lip as she studied him, the realization coming to her. “Ronan…” She closed her book. “Don’t do this. Please, there is no need to?—”
“Let me speak,” he said, cutting her off. “Please, Thalia. Before you say anything, allow me to say what I came here to say.”
Her brow was tight, worry evident on her face. She bit further into her lower lip, fighting the urge to deny him. But he fixed her in a stare that he hoped spoke of how much he needed her to listen. And, for once in her life, she did. “Yes,” she said. “You may speak.”
He sighed. “I want to begin by saying that last night…” He grimaced, still struggling to look at her. “It meant more to me than you can possibly realize. And I do not blame you?—”
“Blame me?” she spoke over him. “Why would you think to blame me?”
Ronan looked sternly at her, waiting for her to stop. “I donotblame you,” he continued. “That falls on my shoulders. I was the one who kissed you, and for that I am sorry.”
“There is no need to?—”
“But it cannot happen again,” he spoke loudly, drowning her out. “I crossed a line, one that I promised myself I never would. When I proposed that we marry, I promised that this marriage would come at no cost to you. We would be married in name only, and nothing was expected from you but to behave. Ironically, in this, I am the one who has misbehaved.”
“Ronan…”
“You were trapped, as was I. Afraid and without options. And last night, I took advantage of that. For that, I ask for your forgiveness.”
“No,” she said. “I do not give it. Because there is nothing to forgive.” She looked bewildered. “Don’t you see? That is the entire point. You might have kissed me, but I kissed you back?—”
“Because you felt that you had no choice.”
“That is not true!” she cried.
