Taking in my reflection one more time, I questioned if I could go through this whole charade. It was obvious I needed something, so I rummaged through my drawer, searching for my only two treasures: the knife Daddy gave me on my fifteenth birthday, and the engagement ring Killian gave me on our wedding day. I placed the ring on one of my silver necklaces and clasped it around my neck.
Usually, I didn’t take the knife anywhere, but I didn’t feel safe. The only reason I agreed to this was because Bessie and Mom practically begged me.
I ran my thumb along the hilt, over the swirls and grooves which lead to the heart-shaped knob at the end. After I Pulled it from the velvet sheath, the platinum on the polished sharp end shimmered against the light. It was so beautiful. Sometimes, when I was unable to sleep, I’d take it out, relishing the weight and detail as I polished it with a silk handkerchief. After slipping it back into the sheath, I put it in my purse. It was as though Daddy was going with me, so I felt much safer now.Everything’s going to be fine.
As I walked down the stairs, I wondered why I was feeling like this but couldn’t come up with an answer. It wasn’t as if this were my first party ever. Daddy had taken us to many functions. Maybe it was because it was the end of an era for me. Next week was graduation, then two days later, we’d all fly to London.
Downstairs, Mom was waiting to slip the corsage onto my wrist. I saw her smile but could hardly hear the words she was rambling, as if I were underwater. A knock at the door had my heart pumping faster, so I ran to the kitchen to drink some water, hoping whatever was wrong with me would go away.
To be honest, Mael looked spectacular in his penguin suit, with his dirty-blond hair swept to the side, light-blue eyes, and tall, muscular frame. He was such a jock, so I had to resist rolling my eyes. I read his lips as he complimented me on the dress.
“Thank you.” My gratitude made him smile.
He hooked his arm through mine and turned me to face Mom, who took pictures of every step we took toward the door.Why is my throat closing?After Mom slipped the corsage on my wrist, Mael drew me closer so we could take more pictures at the main entrance. With his arms embracing me from behind, my heart drummed in my ears, and a thin layer of sweat coated my skin.What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Honey, are you okay?” Mom asked, her face filled with worry, so I nodded. I think that was the third time she’d asked me. Thank God I caught the question. Mael’s palm cupped my jaw, turning me to face him. Our gazes locked. They were beautiful, his eyes, so why didn’t I ever like him? Instead, my skin was covered in goosebumps, the same way it reacted to big black spiders. A cold shiver ran up my spine. I was cold and hot all at the same time, as if I had a fever. My body was becoming frustrating with all these random reactions. Maybe I really was getting sick. It didn’t help that I hadn’t slept well since I agreed to go to this thing.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” The muffled words came from him.
I faked a chuckle and said, “Oh, nothing. Just a little nervous.”
“That’s so cute of you. I know you don’t usually go to parties, but that’s all this is.” He shrugged. “Bessie will meet us there.”
I nodded. It was nice of him to comfort me and tell me my best friend would be there. I could be so judgmental of him sometimes. “Okay. We should get going, Mom.” While Mael and I spoke and gawked at each other, she took more pictures. I chuckled and loved Mom’s determination to catch everymoment. Maybe in ten years we’d sit down and joke about the pictures and how silly it had been.
“Yes, you should. Don’t want to miss any important events.”
When Mael opened the door, I peeked back at Mom. I wanted her to tell me to stay home, that we’d watch some romantic movie together. She waved at me with a smile, and I mirrored her.
11. Tender Was The Meat
MAGDALENA
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
As Mael sped around the curved roads through the steep mountains, I stared out the window at the beautiful spring night. An awkward silence had settled between us, and I didn’t know what to say to break it.
“Thanks for coming with me,” he said.
“Thanks for inviting me. What are you planning to do this summer?” I asked.
“Honestly, this summer is no different from any other. I have to work with my father, keep his company functioning, and prove to him for the millionth time that I can manage it.”
“Oh… that sounds awful. I’m sorry. I know a thing or two about having to prove yourself to your parents.” My slight smile disappeared at his intense expression. “What would you rather be doing?”
“I’ve never even thought of it.” Mael turned his head to meet my gaze. “I’d rather spend it with you in a lavish hotel by the Mediterranean Sea, spend at least a day on a nice yacht in the water. Stare at the stars from there. Huh? Would you come?” He smiled, and when the warmth of his palm covered my icy hand, Ipulled it away and jumped off the seat before I could even think. Thank God for seat belts. His intense expression and focus on the road let me know he didn’t like my reaction.
“I’m actually leaving in a week to start university,” I explained as for why I couldn’t go on his dream trip, desperate to shut that down.
He nodded. “Right. Of course.”
What did he expect from me? It had always been this way. Mael tried to get my attention, to get me to go out with him, invited me to parties and get-togethers, and I’d rejected him every time, and everyone asked me why. I sighed at his anger. I’d only accepted this time because Bessie practically begged me, telling me to give him a chance. I figured it was our last school event, so giving him a chance wouldn’t kill me, right? And it would keep Mom calm about my mental state. Here we were, struggling to get one word out.
I got lost in my thoughts, but when the car made a U-turn that had the tires screeching, I gasped.
“Why are you so jumpy?”
“You’re driving—Uh, I haven’t dated much.”
