There she was, her cheeks wet, her eyes red, staring straight at me. “I said stop!” she shouted.
Are you pleased? When Sophie cried, I felt elated, because she deserved it—
Once again, I’d managed to hurt her. “I’m begging you to stop, Zi!” Her raspy voice trembled.
I shook my head. Why? Why was it so damn hard to stop?Because it couldn’t.I’d tried, but why did I always fail?Because your hatred and pain outweigh your love.
No.You wouldn’t forget, no, no,no!
She sobbed. “You scared me.”
I flinched. How many slashes would I have to carve into my body for everything I’d done to her?
You knew the answer. Do it!
She kept sobbing beneath me. “I told you to stop!”
I failed, Tshabina. I couldn’t keep my promise.I was no longer him.
Your hero had fallen, baby.
I should never have promised you anything that night, or ever. If I hadn’t, it would’ve been easier for you to walk away, never look back, hate me, and live happily.
“What happened to you, Zi?” she asked, her sobs easing, but her voice still breaking.
I went silent, my gaze lingering on her for a long time as she trembled before me. I stared, trying to tell her with my eyes everything I couldn’t say:I’m so sorry.Her eyes kept searching mine, desperate for an answer.
I let out a broken breath, my vision blurring as my eyes quivered. Slowly, I lowered my head, resting my forehead against hers. My trembling fingers traced the curve of her cheek, lingering there as if she were made of glass.
My vision was blurry. “I’m s-so sorry… I—”
Our eyelashes brushed, our breath brushing against each other’s skin. I swallowed hard, gazing deep into her. “I never meant—” My voice caught in my throat. “… I… I’m so sorry, baby.” It wasn’t only her cheeks that were wet, not only her eyes that were red. Mine were too.
“In my life, I never intended to hurt you, S—” I shook my head. “Tshabina…” My whisper was hoarse, choked with pain, and my chest felt too tight to breathe as I closed my eyes.
What should I do, baby?
I gently guided her to sit on the sofa in the corner of the room. I held her hand, easing her to the side, and my eyes were fixed on her. We faced each other, hands trembling yet intertwined. I stared at our joined fingers, softly brushing my thumb over her palm. Tshabina looked back at me, as though she longed to ask, to unravel me.
“Why did you bring me here?” She finally whispered, her eyes still red, never leaving mine. “Twice now,” her shoulders rose. “Why this place?”
I gave a frail smile, meeting her with tenderness. I let out a shaky breath, silencing the urge to stay quiet.
Tshabina deserved an answer. “I’ve always had places to hide,” I murmured. “Whether in the UK or here, this penthouse is one of them.”Hide from them, Tshabina. Run from them. Escape them.
She fell silent, her eyes stayed on me. My grip tightened. I tried to give her a signal—it was all right if she wanted to ask more, to ease her confusion. As long as I could, as long as I remained myself and in control, she could still have me.
Take me while I still can, Tshabina.
Dig deeper if it brings you even the slightest peace. I’ll let you, baby.
She swallowed. “That time… in the shower…” Her tone was hesitant. “Why did it suddenly happen like that? The lights are going out, and the music is playing on its own?” Her eyes wavered, as if forcing the words out.
My heart pounded.Don’t. She wouldn’t take it well, just like them, just like your dad.
I swallowed the massive lump in my throat and let out a ragged breath. My hand clutched hers tight, and I met her eyes. “The bathroom does that automatically at midnight,” I replied, my whole body trembled, “Not just in this penthouse, but every place I’ve lived, all of them.”
Tshabina studied me, brow lifting. “Why?” she whispered. “And why exactly at midnight?”
