But something was wrong.
His kiss was… too rushed.
“No—” he snarled, his grip on my hair tightening, and he shook his head.
My body locked up. “Wait, Zi—”
He didn’t listen.
39
Zioh
I had sunk into the bathtub for minutes, but it didn’t help. Everything still spun around, stealing the air from my lungs.
The mess in the UK and here.
All they ever wanted was to hurt me, mislead me, again and again. I no longer knew who I could trust. They were eating me alive, slowly, until there’d be nothing left. I wanted to scream at them,I’m so fucking tired!To makethemshut up, stop, and leave me in peace after these long years.
Don’t forget, she was the fuse.Please.She stabbed you in the back, broke you apart.Please!She was a whore—
I can’t do this anymore.
Even after years, it lingered.Theywere swarming behind my skull, multiplying and settling in, creating a comfortable home they had no intention of leaving. Even after years,theytook pleasure in tormenting me.
I shouldn’t have met her. I should’ve just greeted her this afternoon and walked away, not kissed her, touched her, or asked her to meet. Because…
She was a disease in my brain, and I was the same to her. But it tore open the truth in me that every part of me ached for her. That fact crept back to the surface, and I gave in.
My body moved as if it had a mind of its own when I was with her. I became a selfish bastard, dragging her down into my hell and darkness, but I couldn’t stop. Deep down, I knew she was the only cure.
And I kept wrecking her with that.
From the start, it was already chaos, shattered beyond repair because the one who was broken was you. And Tshabina was the cause.I couldn’t—Wake up, Zioh.Please…
I didn’t know anymore…
What I felt, what was true, what dominated me most, and I really wanted to smash my head against something. “No—”
Her lips, beneath mine, devoured me, and my ears caught her whimpers. “W-wait, Zi, please—” She trembled beneath my hands. Her palms pressed against my chest and shoulders. Yet something else steered me; I couldn’t stop.I was terrified to look at her.
My heart screamed from the depths. It tried to slap me awake, telling me I hurt her, but I couldn’t. It was pitch-black, I couldn’t see anything, and I couldn’t see a way out.
How did I become like this? Why wouldn’ttheyleave me alone? Why did they always choke me—
I only wanted to bring her here and spend time with her as we did in the past. Do whatever she fancied: watch films, cook for her, listen to her stories, play Monopoly? Even if all she wanted was to dance to a song.
I’d do anything, as long as I was with her.
I’d managed to keep it under control—or so I believed. But with the slightest spark, my defects won.
She hid me from Tsabinu.
She was ashamed of me. Just likehim.
And what she had on her—
I froze. A sob pierced the silence. With the courage I had left, I opened my eyes, pulling my lips away from hers.
