My chest thudded, sweat sliding down my back.She’d think like they did, like your dad. You knew that, Zioh!I clenched my hand. “Peace.”
It came out barely audible, so I repeated it: “Peace.” My eyes locked on hers. “When I can’t find calm, I’d always soak in the bathtub while listening to songs.” I faltered, swallowing again. “Especially at night, it’s unbearable. It’s never quiet.”
My voice shook when I uttered the words that felt like a curse, something I’d tried to bury alive, especially from her. “Complementary therapy.”
The words nearly broke me. Unease gnawed at me, and her gaze narrowed.See? You shouldn’t have said that. She’d look at you like they all did.I breathed out, shaking my head.
When I looked at her again, I found her soft, steady gaze. It washed calm over me in an instant, like a hug, and I breathed out again, quieter. “Self-soothing,” I confessed, my voice shook, feeling exposed.She’d see you differently from now on.“It feels like… the noise finally stops after it’s filled your head all day. The thorns that had tightened around your neck, making you unable to breathe, finally broke off. And the wound that won’t stop bleeding dried, even if for a while.”
What a fool.
I paused. Staring at her for a long while. “And at 00:00, it means… I did it again.” I smiled even as my lips trembled. “Another new day has come after a long one. I survived another day, Tshabina.”
It all helps me breathe. Just like you, beautiful, you make me want to open my eyes in the morning and get up to find you. But above all, the last thing I want to do is hurt you.
I rested my head on her shoulder. “But in the past, that was never the way I coped.”
40
Zioh
After taking Tshabina home this morning, I told her I’d be at INDTV all day, settling matters with the team. Last night, after I’d opened up, she stayed silent, listening until I finished. Her gaze remained tender, and she even clutched my trembling hand with everything she had.
She didn’t say a word afterwards. Her expression never shifted, still calm, still soft, until I leaned against her. We slept in each other’s arms on the sofa until morning, and when I woke, she was already sitting in my room with chamomile tea on the coffee table.
For a moment, I’d expected her to dig further into what I’d revealed, or for her eyes to show pity, sadness, or awkwardness.
But no.
There was no strange look, no pity, and no sympathy. Instead, she asked me about the paintings on the walls or spoke of other things until daylight arrived, and I drove her home. Before stepping out of the car, she’d kissed my cheek and… thanked me.
She thanked me…
I revealed one of my defects, and she thanked me…
On my way back, painful sobs escaped me; my chest ached.I don’t deserve her.
We hadn’t seen each other since because she had a meeting with his team, and she only texted to say she’d gone home early. I, meanwhile, returned late to the Danudara residence, exhausted from endless work.
After nearly an hour, I stepped out of the bathroom and glanced at the clock; it was eleven o’clock. Earlier than usual. I sighed, draped in a bathrobe, I walked to the bedside table, pulled open the drawer, and took a few pills. One from eachbottle fell on my palm, and I swallowed them in one gulp—until the sound of the door slamming behind me made me jolt.
I spun around. The air died in my throat—Dad.
“What are you taking, Zioh?!” The door slammed, its sound hanging in the air.
Dad barked as if he’d stumbled on a corpse, eyes bulging and a finger jabbing at me. He wasn’t supposed to be here. Why was he always in my room?!
My breath quickened as my eyes darted around—up, left, right—he must have planted hidden cameras again, watching my every move!
As panic surged, he stormed closer, reaching for my hand. “I asked you what you’re taking?!” Dad barked.
I glared, jerking my hand free. Stepping back, I shook my head hard and pointed at the door. “Get out, Dad.”
His breath hitched. “You lied to me?!” His knuckles turned white. “You and your brother told me you were cured!”
My throat tightened, and my body stiffened as my control slipped. “I. Said. Get. Out.”
“You little shit!” He dragged his palm across his face. His gaze turned dark. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it were you or Zeraiah, but Zaeem too?! How dare you all lie to me?!”
