I shrug. “A little. Not as much as I’d like, but I feel like every day I’m coming to terms with it a little more.”
“What was Maddox’s reaction?”
“I think he wanted to be happy.”
“Think?”
A fresh tear rolls down my cheek as I think back to the little smile he had when I told him it was positive. The one he quickly put away when he realized how freaked out I was. “He’s good at noticing things. He saw my panic, so he swallowed his reaction to be there for me.”
“Sounds like the young one is a pretty good guy.”
I let my head fall to the table.Dammit. I’ve done this all wrong.
“I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?”
“What makes you think that?”
I look up at her, wondering why I need to follow that up. “Because I’m selfish.”
“Do tell.”
At least she didn’t say “doth” this time. “My reaction to begin with. Maddox wanted to be happy, but because I was a mess and breaking down, I spoiled that moment for him. And don’t even get me started on the guilt I’m feeling. Something I wanted for years is finally happening, but I feel like it's ruining my plans. All I can think about is how this was supposed to be a time where I could really focus on me. No more ‘soon.’ And now I can’t be happy about ‘now.’”
There, I said it. The most self-absorbed thoughts I’ve had since Maddox and I found out.
“You're not selfish. You're human.”
“It doesn’t feel like that,” I admit.
“In your defense, you don’t know what you’re feeling because you’re feeling everything.”
If that doesn’t hit the nail on the head…
“Let me see if I can help untangle some brain webs.”
“Please do. Because every time I think I’ve got it all figured out and under control, I think of something else, start crying, or have to puke.”
“I’d really like it if you didn’t do that last one again while I’m here,” she says. “But let’s start with this place. What are you worried about in terms of the bakery and the baby?”
“The time,” I answer immediately. “Am I bringing the baby with me? Daycare? I've been working twelve-plus hour days every day since I opened, but it's what I’ve needed to do to get this place off the ground. And it's finally here. Yes, I had somehelp along the way, and I’ve been able to add permanent part-time help. But it’s not at the point where we can afford someone full-time to manage it all, or add another baker. So what does that mean for Sugar and Sweets? The baby? Because there's no way I can do both.”
“Who said you’re doing this by yourself?”
I let out a sigh. “You know what I mean, Shelby.”
“Actually, I don’t, but now I’m starting to see the root of our problem,” she says. “Listen, I might hate your brother and everything about him, but do you really think he wouldn't shell out the money to hire another baker to help you right now?”
My stomach drops. I hadn't even thought about Beau and how I'm gonna tell him this, but that's future Gabi’s problem.
“I know he would, but I don't want to ask him to.”
“I have a feeling once he finds out, he's not going to give you a choice.”
“You're probably right,” I agree. “I just hate— This was always supposed to become mine. Beau never wanted to own a bakery. And we were getting there. Finally, after all this time, it was on the horizon. But now? How could I own a bakery and raise a child?”
“And that’s valid…”
I wait for her to add the rest of her thought, but the words dangle in the air.
