I splutter my way into silence and stare at her. I didn't expect her here, so it’s not like I rehearsed how to tell her. Plus, I thought I had more time to figure out how I was going to tellanyone. But like most of my life over the past few years, this is not going as planned.
Shelby doesn’t ask again as we both take a seat. She reaches for my hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. It’s funny how that one little action relaxes me and provides enough strength to say the words out loud for the first time.
“Yes. I’m pregnant.”
I look down at the table, letting the words hover in the air. I thought saying it out loud would make me cry. I mean, I’ve cried every time I’ve thought about it, so it would’ve tracked.
I cry thinking about it. Then I cry because I’m crying. Then I feel even worse for crying, and cry some more. I’m basically a clusterfuck of emotions.
"Hey," Shelby says softly. "You tell me what you need me to be right now. Am I excited to be Auntie Bee, or am I making a few calls? No matter your answer, I ask no questions and will make zero judgments.”
God I love this woman. Considering how much she hates Nashville, I know whatever’s brought her into town isn’t making her happy, but I’m so fucking thankful she’s here.
“I’m…I don’t know if I can make myself be excited yet. But I’m keeping it. That I know. The rest? I have no fucking clue.”
I spoke too soon. Cue the tears.
Without hesitation, Shelby gets up from her seat to move one closer to mine, making it easier for her to wrap me in her arms. My best friend isn’t an overly touchy-feely person, but man, does her hold right now feel good.
“That is all understandable. I remember the first time you told me you wanted to start trying, but the douche canoe talked you out of it. My heart broke for you. And now you’re startingthis new phase of your life, and bam! Baby. It makes sense to feel a shit ton of emotions. You wanted this for so long, just not this way.”
I love this woman for knowing me so well that she perfectly articulated every thought going through my head. Justin and I had been married for thirteen years. And yes, I know most of that was spent with him in med school, and then his residency, and I was okay with working to take care of us. But I'd always wanted a family. And like so many other things during that part of our marriage, it was always with the caveat of “soon.”
Soon…when he was done with his residency.
Soon…after I started the bakery.
Soon…after the economy recovers, because it’s too expensive to have a child.
Obviously that was another soon that never happened.
Then again, maybe it was a small favor from whoever controls my fate that we never got pregnant. Custody and child support would’ve made the divorce even worse than it already was. Now, he can be cleanly out of my life, and I don't have to see him every other weekend at drop-off.
But having a baby now? At this stage of my life? And with Maddox? A twenty-four-year-old man I just started getting used to dating? This isn’t how it was supposed to be.
“I want to be excited,” I say honestly. “This just…the timing is…”
“Shit?”
“That’s one way of putting it,” I say through a huffed laugh. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this. If I can handle it. The bakery is still getting on its feet. I was looking forward to being my own woman. Traveling. Doing every single thing that I wanted to do in this city that I never got to do when I was married.
“And then there’s Maddox…”
Oh sweet Maddox. The man who didn’t leave my side the entire night when we found out. The man who didn’t say a word and simply held me as I fell asleep. I wanted to cry…God I wanted the tears to flow, but I couldn’t do it in front of him. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t happy. I also couldn’t make myself pretend I wasn’t a little sad. I didn’t know what I was feeling, and I wasn’t ready to say things because I didn’t know if they were true or gut-check thoughts.
“How’s he doing?”
I shrug. “I haven’t talked to him since we found out. I told him I needed some time to clear my head and think about things.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Three days.”
Shelby’s shoulders slump. “Gabi.”
“I know,” I say, instantly feeling like a horrible person. “It’s just…It’s too much, Shelby. We just started dating. We hadn't even put a label on it. I didn’t even think I could be pregnant until he came over and he was the one who figured it out. It was too much, too fast, and I needed some time to process.”
“And did you?”
