“What?”
“When you were talking about where the baby would go, or what you would do, or that you couldn’t own a bakery and raise a child, not once did you bring up that Maddox could, and I’m hoping would, be helping. You said all of these hypotheticals like you are completely independent in this. Why is that?”
I sometimes forget that while Shelby was in college on a golf scholarship, she majored in psychology.
Sometimes, I kinda hate her for that.
But I kinda hate my next admission even more. “I don’t know.”
All that gets me is one raised eyebrow. “Try again.”
I open up my mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. And that’s only because words, and these feelings, are hard to say out loud.
“Okay, I’ll start,” she says. “Let's pause the bakery talk for a second. I have a feeling your bigger worry—and an important person in this equation—is Maddox. What’s your status? Besides the fact that you haven’t talked to him in three days.”
“I’m not deflecting when I say I don't know,” I admit. “We've had two dates, and one was interrupted by a pregnancy test.”
“But you like him, don't you?”
Leave it to my best friend to see right through me. “I do. I didn't expect him. Or these feelings. Lord knows I fought them off for how long? But I do like him. He's sweet and kind and he makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He’s present and he?—”
“Fucks you properly?”
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face if I tried. “He's a good guy, Shelby. And I…I feel like…he didn’t ask…he seemed happy but…I don’t…”
I feel Shelby’s hand on my wrist as I stutter for what I’m trying to say. “Are you worried he might not want this?”
I nod, the tears coming back. Sure, I think I saw a smile, but did I? I’m not sure of anything anymore.
“Has he told you that?”
I shake my head. “He says he's gonna be here for me. That he's gonna be here for us. But…”
“Aw! There it is,” Shelby says. “Your trauma is back. And here I thought you were all healed.”
Fucking psychology major.
“I feel like I'm ruining his life,” I finally admit. “He's twenty-four. He has his whole life ahead of him, and here I come alongwith a baby that beat the odds of a condom. I know he’s going to be there. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Maddox—if he says he’s going to do something, he does. And I don’t think this is different.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I take a deep breath, finally ready to admit my truest fear. “That he’s going to regret me. Us. This baby. That he was in the moment and made a promise, and because he’s a good guy, he’s going to follow through. But as we go down the road, I’m going to feel like I robbed him of what could’ve been.”
I know my best friend isn’t a big “there, there” kind of friend. She’s the one who tells you straight up what she’s thinking. Never ask her a question if you don’t want the honest truth. But I’d appreciate it now if she wasn’t looking at me like I have two heads.
“What?”
“I’m not invalidating your concerns,” she says. “But…and I don’t know…hear me out for this crazy notion. Maybe instead of ignoring him, maybe you call him and talk to him. Ask how he’s feeling. Express your concerns. Or you could keep avoiding him and letting all of this fester. Your choice.”
I narrow my eyes at my best friend. “You know, no one asked you to come here.”
My sarcastic quip earns me a smug smile. “I know. But I’m glad I did, because you needed to hear that. Gabi, I’m so happy for you. You’re going to be the most amazing mom in the world, and I can’t wait to be Auntie Bee to another little nugget. Look, I know it’s scary and not one damn thing you’ve wanted has gone to plan, but it’s here. And when this settles, I know you’re going to be over the moon.”
“I have a feeling Maddox will be too. But you need to talk to him. You need to be honest and up front with each other andexpress every fucking fear and worry you have. It’s the only way the both of you are going to be able to navigate this together.”
“You’re right,” I say as I move closer so I can hug my best friend. “Thank you so much.”
“Anytime,” she says. “I’m glad I was here.”
