For years, it galled her to admit it, but she no longer cared.She’d been a mother before she’d really gotten to be a bride and having burned her bridges she was alone with a child she had no clue how to care for.
As Wyatt grew, she did the best she could, but theirs was not a happy home.Filled with bitterness and pride she would not ask for help, nor would she return to the North Pole in shame.
Now, it seemed Jackson wanted her to throw herself on his mercy, beg for forgiveness, and acknowledge all of her faults.In his mind, she deserved to pay for all the wrongs she’d committed.He desired retribution, but it didn’t make sense to her.
If he truly intended to marry another, what did it matter?Why did she matter if he was well and truly over her?When she finally spoke, her voice was unsteady, like the surface of a thawing lake.
She tried out a laugh, but it died before it left her mouth.“You make it sound like I orchestrated the whole thing,” she said, not looking at him.“I was barely old enough to know what I wanted.All I ever did was make mistakes, one after another, until the only thing left to do was leave before I broke anything else.”
Jackson’s hands relaxed on the reins, but he still didn’t look at her.“You could have told me the truth,” he said.“You could have told me what you truly needed from me.You could have trusted me.”
She felt her cheeks burn.“You make it sound so easy.Was I supposed to say, love me, Jackson, stop playing with me.I don’t want to wait anymore.”
He shrugged, but the motion was stiff.“It would have been hard.We would have fought, but I would have tried to make you understand.Maybe you would have hated me for a time.”He glanced at her then, and the flash of his eyes caught her off-guard.“But then we could have started again, from the truth.Now all we have is the lie, and the years we spent living around it.”
She dug her nails into her palms through her mittens.“I’m sorry,” she said again, this time so quietly it was almost a question.She also remembered every time she compared Brad to Jackson, every time she saw in Brad’s eyes the flicker of disappointment, the hollow where adoration should have been.It was painful, like a missing limb she could never replace.
Jackson believed she’d gotten off scot free, but that was not the case.Perhaps she had broken Jackson’s heart, but hers was shattered as well.
The aurora pulsed, a green flame racing across the sky.“Do you know what I envy most about humans?”she asked.“They get to begin again.They get new lifetimes.They forget their old selves and get to be someone else, someone better.For us, every day is a ledger, a record of what we did and what we failed to do.It never leaves us.It just gets heavier.”
Jackson’s mouth twisted into something bitter.“You think that makes you unique?”he asked.“You think the rest of us don’t suffer under the weight?”
She shook her head, not in disagreement but in defeat.“I know you do.That’s what makes it worse.”
They sat like that, the cold curling in, until at last Jackson clicked his tongue and the reindeer spun the sleigh around, heading back toward the scattering of lights that marked his estate.
The wind picked up, howling through the gaps in the sleigh’s crystal walls.Crystalia pulled the fur-lined hood up and hugged her body, wishing she could shrink small enough to vanish altogether.She watched the world blur past, the snow and stone and ancient trees all smearing into a single white ribbon.For the first time in decades, she felt the enormity of her own emptiness, the hollow that even Brad’s warmth could never quite fill.She had loved him, that was true—but she had never stopped carrying the idea of Jackson, not really, not ever.
She wondered if he knew that.She wondered if it would matter.
In the end, it was Jackson who broke the silence.“He made you happy?”he asked.Not a demand, not even an accusation, just curiosity, raw and unvarnished.
She swallowed her throat tight.“For a while,” she said.“Until he didn’t.”
Jackson nodded once, as if he’d always suspected this.“And now?”
She didn’t answer right away.The words lined up behind her teeth, fighting for space: I miss him.I miss you.I miss who I was supposed to be.I don’t know if I can ever be that person again.
Instead, she said, “It’s complicated.”
He almost smiled.“It always is.”
The sleigh swept into the shadow of the castle, its spires catching the last rays of sun.The bridge across the moat was dusted in fresh snow, the lamps along its length flickering with blue witch light.Jackson guided the sleigh to a stop at the base of the steps.Handing the reins to a young elf dressed in silver livery, he came around the sleigh and lifted his hands to her.
She could have climbed down on her own.They both knew it, but it seemed important to him that she accept his assistance.Always the gentleman, she thought as a small smirk slid across her lips.As soon as she turned toward the castle, a large hand smacked her bottom sharply.
“Not always,” he replied as though he’d read her mind.“Not anymore.”
CHAPTER3
The castle rose from the tundra like a massive natural formation of ice crystals, its spires refracting the northern lights into prismatic displays that could be seen for miles.The exterior walls shimmered with a blue-white luminescence that changed subtly with the angle of the sun, creating an ever-shifting façade.Up close the ice appeared impossibly clear yet structurally sound, with intricate frost patterns etched throughout that formed elven runes and geometric designs.
Upon entering, Crystalia was greeted by a grand foyer where the temperature was surprisingly comfortable despite the icy surroundings.A constant subtle symphony of sounds seemed to emit into the air, the delicate tinkling of ice crystals shifting, distant echoes that seem to carry whispers of conversations long past, and occasionally, when the wind blew just right, musical notes that resonated through the structure like a massive wind chime.The air carried the crisp scent of winter mint mixed with cedar and something distinctly magical—a faint ozone-like quality that tingled the senses.
“Welcome to my home,” he said with a slight bow.“Let me take that,” he stated, taking her parka and handing it to a servant who appeared at his side without a whisper of movement.
Then he began to show her around.
