“But you meant what you said.”
He goes silent. I sigh.
“Look, I get what you mean. You’re not wrong.” I pick at the straw wrapper, eyes fixed on the table still. “The guys I get with… they’re nobodies. Some are successful, sure. But never more successful than me.”
He tilts his head. “So why entertain them?”
Because it’s easier to be adored than known.
I don’t say that part.
“Because their affection is cheap,” I say instead. “And easy. I don’t have to think about the future. Or expectations. I take what I need and move on.”
The words sound colder out loud.
“Is that what you’re gonna do to me?”
“Jabari—”
“Because you don’t need to do that,” he says, softer now.
I freeze. “It’s gonna have to end eventually, Jabari.”
“Does it?” He sits up. “You think you got it all figured out but you don’t know shit about relationships. Or how complex emotions are. You think what we’re doing is some simple thing that we can just stop one day but that’s the furthest thing from the truth, Jelly.”
“You don’t know how I handle relationships or my emotions Jabari, so please save the holier than thou speeches. For all you know, us ending it could tear me up inside.”
“Will it?”
I look him in the eyes. “Why would I tell you?”
We hold each other’s gaze, waiting to see who would break first and put their real feelings on the table.
“I like you, Francine.” He broke through my defenses with that one line. “I like you a lot. I like you so much I tell my teammates about you. I look forward to seeing you. Or talking to you. Even if it’s just for an hour a day. I respect your opinions. Irespect your mindset. Everything about you makes me get fired up. I like that I don’t have to be extra or show off with you. You get it. You get me. We get each other. We see each other. No one else can possibly have the same connection we have because no one can understand us the way we understand ourselves and each other. So just end it with this guy, stop wasting our time and clear your head for someone who can show yourealaffection.”
Wow.
My stomach has dropped past my arse right now. I need a second to collect my thoughts and he gives it to me by not rushing in to comfort me. He just lets the confession lay there on the table.
My throat swells. I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know what to do.
A smooth exit from this situation may no longer be an option now that I know how he feels. Usually when it get to that point, I leave. But that will be difficult now, considering he’s always around since he’s Zaza’s brother.
Zaza.
How could I not consider Zaza?
How could he not consider her?
Does he really expect me to throw away my friendship for this… I don’t know what this is. And neither does he. He must be joking, so I’ll reply as such.
“You want me all to yourself, huh?” My mouth quirks. “Of course. Why was I stupid enough to think Jabari McKingsley would give advice without it benefitting him?”
“My benefit is your benefit,” he says, leaning closer. “I swear, Francine. You letting me in… letting me do this the right way?—”
Before he can finish, Za comes back, drinks in hand.
