“Child, you are positively soaked. Let me fetch some fresh linens and another sleeping dress.” Sarah rose from the bed and left Abigail alone with her thoughts. Her mind was the only familiar place and she still felt as though she might be losing that.
She looked around her small room, knowing it was a luxury for a child to have their own room. She scoffed at the ridiculousness of it.
When I was a child, my father and I had a one-room cabin. Even Lizzie had to sleep in the living area,she thought, as her small body convulsed, as it fought against the past memories of her own childhood as Jane.
Her old, wrinkled face came to mind as she remembered the piercing cry and panic-stricken eyes through the small window. Her stomach churned, and she quickly leaned over the edge of the bed as her stomach’s contents forced their way out of her and onto the wooden floor.
“Oh Abigail! You poor thing!” Sarah darted back into the room, her arms full of an array of fabric. She had a pitcher of water in one hand, tucked precariously under the pile. After unloading her arms, she went to work wetting some of the linen in cool water and placing it across Abigail’s forehead.
Once the floor was cleaned up, she resumed her post of cradling Abigail.
“What happens when we die?” Abigail spoke softly against her new mother’s chest.
“My dearest, you aren’t going to die. It is just a simple upset stomach from dinner.”
Abigail pushed away from Sarah. Even in the dark of night could make out the lines of her aged face.
“I saw Jane, I mean, Mrs. Abernathy, through the window, before she, you know — ” Abigail gulped, unable to finish saying the words.She died.Her mind filled in the blanks.
“Oh.” Sarah’s shoulders sank slightly, and she pulled Abigail close again. She was thankful for the comfort. The sweat lingered on her skin, and the cool night air sent a chill down to her bones.
“As we have learned in church, we go to a place called Heaven. Mrs. Abernathy was old and sick, and it was her time togo home.” Abigail tensed at the word.Home.How she longed to go back and hold Lizzie again, the way Sarah held her now, to lie in her own bed, in her own home.
The pair cuddled in the dark in silence, and Abigail allowed her body to relax. The physical side of her remembered Sarah’s comforting embrace. Her mind, however, reminded her that she didn’t really have a mother.
This could be my chance to truly experience a mother’s love. Maybe this was the point of the gift, to give back to me what was taken when I was born and lost my own mother.
“Thanks, Mama.” Abigail yawned and Sarah skirted away from her. The soft pink quilt was tucked up under her chin and a light kiss was planted on her sticky forehead.
“Love you, my girl. I will see you in the morning. If you wake up feeling ill, come and get me.”
“Okay, Mama.” Another yawn escaped, and soon, Abigail was alone in the dark.
Yesterday I was Jane, and then I became Abigail. I don’t know how it happened, or why. But this is my new life, and there is no going back now.
Abigail stayedquiet as her mother washed her skin and dressed her in a fresh clean outfit. Her brown hair was meticulously combed and tied neatly with ribbons. Well as neat as they could be from her naturally frizzy hair.
The black fabric was itchy against her skin and the hem line was rough as it hit her knees when she walked. Most of her physical ailments abated as her mind and body became in sync with each other.
“Gerry, are you ready? We need to leave.” Sarah turned her focus from Abigail's unruly hair to the status of her new father. “Do I need to come dress you as well?” Sarah gave Abigail a quick wink before disappearing through the doorway. Abigail tried to smile back, but she felt empty. Feeling emotions was different in her new body. They felt foreign and distant.
The only comfort she felt was that she would at least get to see Lizzie and Sarah, since Sarah was now her best friend rather than her granddaughter.
“At least I can stay in their lives and remain close to them,” she whispered as she checked herself over in the oval mirror. “This is going to take some getting used to.”
“What was that, dearest?” Abigail’s mother entered the room and mindlessly picked her black hat up from the bed.
Abigail startled at the sudden appearance. “Oh, uh, just talking about this dress. It’s itchy.”
“Well, try not to fidget, and be well behaved. I don’t want to see you mucking about with your friends during the ceremony. Now, let’s go meet your father downstairs. We are almost running late.” Sarah held out her hand, and Abigail took it into her own.
The sun produced a colorful display of light in the small room of the church. Mourners from the farming community gathered to celebrate the long life of Jane Abernathy-Hoffman. Abigail stood awkwardly in the back as Sarah embraced a weeping Lizzie.
“Lizzie, your mother was a great woman who loved you and Sarah so much.” Abigail’s new mother wiped Lizzie’s face with her handkerchief. She wanted so badly to hold Lizzie and comfort her the way she had for so many years.
I’m here! I’m right here, my sweet girl!Her heart ached watching her grown daughter hurt. As she watched Lizzie mourn, she couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful shelooked. In her old body, it was easy to see all of her daughter’s faults and nag at her to correct each of them.How many conversations did I waste focusing on her aging face and round tummy? She’s incredible. If I could go back, I would talk to her more about her interests.
Abigail, overcome with guilt for the many backhanded comments, closed the distance to Lizzie and wrapped her small arms around her tall legs. Her face nuzzled against her thighs. The black dress she wore was soft and inviting, unlike the scratchy dress she adorned.
