“Oh, sweet girl, thank you for the hug. Why don’t you go give little Sarah a hug? I know she could use some extra attention today.” Lizzie stroked Abigail’s hair. It reminded her of how she used to do with Lizzie in her past life. Her smile, while warm, didn’t quite reach her eyes. Instead, they communicated a deep grief over the loss of her mother.
Abigail’s stomach tightened as she turned away to find Sarah. Relief flooded her as she edged further away from the suffocating sorrow that radiated off Lizzie. It was quite difficult to navigate through the crowd of adults as a young child.
Funeral attendees ambled around inside the church to find their seats in the pews. Abigail had no luck finding Sarah in the main chapel area. She remembered there was a small alcove where people had brought food and drinks for after the service.
The room was bathed in a bright light as the far wall was void of stained glass and overlooked the cemetery. She gulped as she looked away, unable to come to terms with the fact that just yesterday she’d narrowly avoided being buried just beyond the window.
Her nose was assaulted by the mixture of different smells, and she wasn’t sure if it smelled good or would cause her stomach to turn over. She turned to leave since Sarah was nowhere nearby, but then something caught her attention.Below one of the food tables, two small feet poked out just beyond the end of the tablecloth.
Sarah let out a muted sniffle, and Abigail felt her eyes burn with sympathy for her granddaughter.Former granddaughter,she corrected herself before the tears fell freely.
She bent down, lifted the tablecloth, and found Sarah sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her normally sparkly eyes were rimmed with red and she had tear stains on her rosy cheeks.
“Want company?” Abigail didn’t wait for a response before scooting in next to her and crossing her legs. The two girls sat together in silence, both grieving, but each grieving a different loss.
“I just miss her so much,” Sarah managed to squeeze out before the sobs caught in her throat. Abigail wrapped her arm around Sarah’s waist.
“I know.” Abigail chose her words carefully.I’m right here and now we can be best friends!A new hope bloomed inside Abigail.I get to stay in Lizzie and Sarah’s lives. They won’t know it’s me, but I will still get to love and enjoy them.
“She could be grumpy sometimes, and she always made me fix my posture, but she was my grandmother, and I love her.” Sarah wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Abigail bit her tongue and stopped herself from chastising Sarah for the disgusting habit.
“I’m sure you are going to miss giving her butterfly kisses every night before bed.” Abigail fought hard to change her mind to something other than Sarah’s impromptu handkerchief.
“Yeah.” Sarah gave a small chuckle laced with a sob. “I never missed a night.”
Abigail smiled for the both of them.I am going to miss those butterfly kisses, my dear child.
Sarah stiffened slightly and she peered over at Abigail with wet lashes. “Wait. I never told anyone about our butterfly kisses. How did you know that?”
Abigail’s heart raced at her mistake.I overheard our moms talking about it. You mentioned it a long time ago. Lucky guess?Her mind raced and her pulse pounded as each reason flashed across her mind to contain the damage. Sarah’s eyes narrowed slightly, studying Abigail.
Abigail struggled to find the right words and before she could reply Sarah shrugged. “I guess I must have told you about it at some point.” She wiped the tears away from her cheeks. “Come on. The music is starting, and I don’t want my mama to find us in this room since she told me earlier to stay out.”
Abigail relaxed after being let off the hook for her slip up.I need to be more careful. I am Abigail. Jane is gone. Jane is dead. Jane is about to be buried.Abigail swallowed hard against her dry throat as the two clamored out from beneath the table.
They re-entered the crowded room just in time to see their mothers looking anxiously around for them. Once they rejoined their mothers, they walked together to the front row to sit for the service.
Abigail’s heart swelled as kind words were offered by those who knew her well, and she was able to nuzzle Lizzie and Sarah since she sat between the two of them. Both cried fresh tears as each new person spoke about Jane.
Abigail cried because the memories filled her with happiness that she made such a positive impact on so many. By the end of the service, she sat tall, proud of herself for the legacy she left behind.
Then their row stood, and the time came to say their final goodbyes. They lined up to visit the open coffin. Abigail’s feet grew heavy, and her new mother had to pull her arm a few times to get her feet moving.
I can’t do this. I can’t face my old body, a body that holds a now-deceased little Abigail, who was somehow forced into a dying body!Her throat tightened as she came within a foot of the waiting coffin.
Inside, her old-Jane body lay peacefully, surrounded by an arrangement of her favorite wildflowers. Her stomach flipped, and she feared that she would pass out.This is too much. I need to get out of here. Oh, little Abby. I’m so sorry!
The line shuffled behind them, and she was released from facing her former body. Little Sarah hung her head low in front of her as they walked together back to the room overlooking the cemetery.
“Stand straight; fix your posture. People are looking at you!” Abigail whispered through her teeth. Sarah’s eyes widened as she searched her small face.
“What did you just say?” Sarah whispered back, her voice low and controlled.
Heat flushed across Abigail’s skin, and she knew she had crossed a line. “I’m sorry. Just seeing her reminded me of her doing that to you. I didn’t mean it.” Abigail looked around for an escape, anything to get away from Sarah’s suspicious filled eyes.
“I need some air.” Abigail darted away from her granddaughter’s glare and pushed open the large church doors. Her little legs carried her out to the base of a large oak tree that sat on the border of the cemetery.
Her chest heaved as she gripped the rough tree bark. Abigail bent over and waited for her body to give in to the waves of nausea that inundated her senses.
