Gael leans into me and wraps me up in his warm embrace, pressing a kiss to my jaw that feels like a brand on my soul. If I can’t find the money for him to go to UMass, I’ll find a way to get into UCLA. Whatever it takes, I’m not letting anything separate Gael from me.
Present Day
Phineas
“You’re looking better,” my grandfather notes from where he’s sitting on the swing on my front porch.
I’ve just gotten off work, and I’m only here to grab some clothes so I don’t wear the same thing to work for the third day in a row.
“Where have you been?” he asks, standing as I unlock my door.
He makes himself at home as I kick off my boots. “I’ve been staying on the other side of town,” I reply as he sits in my recliner.
“With the man I told you to break up with?” he demands, eye twitching with fury.
“No,” I reply, thankful for a brief moment that Gael isn’t here.
My grandfather’s fury dims slightly, alleviated by my answer. “Good. Why are you sleeping away from home?” he questions suspiciously.
“Because I miss Gael, and it helps my heart to not be here.” Just because I’m compelled to answer him honestly, doesn’t mean I can’t distribute the truth at my discretion.
My grandfather huffs, sneering at me like all he can see is my failures. “You will get over it.”
That’s not a reassurance. That’s an order.
“Be at the full moon ceremony tomorrow,” he adds, stalking away.
Chapter 10
Present Day
Sin
It’s been a week since Phin came to me. He goes to work during the day and then comes back to my house at night. He brought a suitcase the third night. I didn’t say anything about it. We went grocery shopping together that evening and we cook all our meals together now, even the box lunch he takes when he leaves for work and the one I take when I’ll be on campus for lunch.
The custom bed I ordered two months ago was delivered earlier today. The owner of the store sent workers to set it up and they removed my other bed. Despite my best intentions to make Phin’s relationship with Gael a priority, I’m decorating my bedroom to surprise Phin when he returns. I dress our new bed in midnight blue sheets that I ordered with the mattress from the furniture maker’s son. He made me a matching blanket and comforter, and six pillow cases that go on the brand new pillows I bought today. The bed dominates the room, but I don’t mind since I only use this room for sleeping, sex, and changinginto my pajamas. I’ve even set up a new wardrobe in the back bedroom to make room for Phin’s clothes. I unpacked his suitcase and put it away with all my luggage.
I can’t tell Phin that I love him, but I can make him comfortable. I tell him every night that Gael loves him. I remind him with my body that he owns someone’s heart. I take care of him like I said I would, but my heart knows the truth. I was mostly in love with him before he started living here, and now I’ve fallen so hard for him that every time I tell him Gael loves him it’s my own heart confessing the truth. Gael shouldn’t have left us alone together, but it’s too late now. Whatever happens when he returns, I’ll keep hiding how much I long for more than what Gael gives me.
I think I’ve proven, to myself at least, that my heart may have betrayed my most treasured friendship but my actions won’t. I’ve flung myself into keeping Phin’s love for Gael alive and ready for his return, and I can be proud of myself for my loyalty in action. I haven’t seduced Phin, I haven’t tried to turn his love away from Gael, I’ve taken care of him the way Gael asked me to, and I’ve made sure that Phin knows that I’m just a substitute until his real love returns.
Shaking myself out of my reverie, I retreat from the bedroom and head back to the couch. I’m expecting Phin any minute now, and I want the bedroom to be a surprise, so I pick up the game controller and unpause the adventure game I’ve been playing off and on for weeks. After ten minutes of trying to make some progress on my current quest, Phin walks in using the key I made for him on the fourth day of his stay.
“I’m back,” he calls from the entryway.
I pause my game as he comes into the living room. He’s covered in spackle today, which makes me chuckle—he’s adorable when he’s a mess, and I love the disgruntled look he sometimes gets when he sees how dirty he’s gotten. “You’regoing to bathe before supper tonight. You look like Santa with all that white in your beard.”
He looks at himself and scrunches his nose up at the sight. Seeing my amusement at him, his irritation transforms into an affectionate smile. “Ho ho ho,” he deadpans, which makes me laugh.
I smack his thigh and push him toward the bathroom. “Go on. The pot roast we made has been teasing my nose for an hour already, so hurry up.”
Phin growls in a hungry way as he heads to the bathroom. I’ve already set the table, the only thing left is just to bring the crockpot to the table when he’s ready for supper, but I expect my surprise to take up a few minutes before we’re ready to eat.
Now that he’s here, I’m nervous again. I’ve never done anything like this for one of Gael’s partners. I’ve always been on the sidelines of his love affairs, so it never mattered to me what his girlfriends thought of me. But I ordered this bed nearly two months ago, and I didn’t tell Gael I did it. I didn’t even confer with him about it. I just did it, and now that my stomach is in knots, I wonder if I knew back then that I wanted to keep Phin. Did I subconsciously know then how much I could love Phin? I started the email chain with the furniture guy before I was even sure I liked having sex with a man, well before I ever got off with him.
Of course, that’s only part of my nervousness. Gael left Phin in my care, and I’ve grown accustomed to having him close, but now I’m worried that he’s going to see through me.
I didn’t tell Gael that I did this.
