“Yeah,” I confess in a whisper, feeling like shit.
“You sent him to the bedroom before calling me, didn’t you?” He doesn’t sound angry or upset, but I can’t tell what he’s feeling. I want to see his face, see his smile—I want to see him pleased even if I’m not the one who pleases him.
I’m not surprised that he knows what I did; Gael knows me better than anyone—he knows I wouldn’t be able to betray him, and maybe he knows that I want to. “I did.”
Gael sighs into the phone, and his voice returns to me with a terrible burden in it. “Don’t leave him waiting for too long. I can’t be there now, so he needs you.”
“I’m worried.” I can’t say more than that without giving away my feelings to him, and that’s the last thing I want to do if he hasn’t already figured it out.
“Everything will be fine,” he promises. “Tell Phin that I love him, and Sin, take care of him. He needs you.”
I nod even though he can’t see me, and my breath hitches when I think about how Phin needs me right now. I both crave and despise the idea of solo sex with Phin. I hate that I feel that way, and I wish that I had Gael here to act as a buffer against these horrible thoughts and feelings. “I miss you.”
Gael huffs a sharp breath, and a phantom sensation of it caresses over the back of my neck. “I’ll be back before you know it. Go now. Phin needs you.”
I swallow the need for his presence and cool my tone. “Yeah. Ok. Answer your texts, at least.”
“I’ll try.”
We both know he won’t.
I hate to say goodbye. “Later.”
“Of course.”
I set my phone on the coffee table, grab the pizza boxes, and stuff them into the fridge before heading to my bedroom. Phin is sitting quietly on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. The picture he presents makes my heart clench with shared misery. I should have asked Gael to talk to him, I realize. I shouldn’t be passing on this message. It should come from Gael’s lips, not mine.
Yet, I tell him anyway because that’s what Gael wants. “He says he loves you.”
“You were talking to him.” The tears in his voice betray his heartbreak.
“I was.”
“Why won’t he answer when I call?”
At least this question I can answer. “Because he has to be there for his family now, and hearing you would bring him running back.” I know that’s the truth even if Gael didn’t say it.
“But he loves me?” Phin’s deep baritone cracks, and he looks up at me with tears dripping into his beard and off his chin.
I sit beside him and pull him into a tight hug. “Yes. Without a doubt. You’re his absolute favorite.”
This is what I’m supposed to do—reaffirm their love and keep it stable during Gael’s absence. It hurts to do it when I want to make him feel my love too, but I won’t betray Gael any more than I already have. I’ll make Phin feel good enough to forget how much he misses Gael, and then I’ll hold him all night in Gael’s place. I’ll spend tonight telling him how much Gael loves him, and I’ll do my job as Gael’s best friend so well that not even my divided heart could condemn me.
Their Senior Year of High School
Sin
Gael slumps onto my bed next to me, holding up a large envelope. I take it from him, and my heart starts racing when I see it’s from an out of state university that I didn’t apply to. I’ve already gotten my acceptance letter from the university I’m going to attend. They have an excellent linguistic program. Gaelknew that. He knew where I was going, and he said he was applying to the same school. Did he not get in? Did they reject him? His grades were just as good as mine and his SAT was just a little lower than mine. He should have gotten in.
“What the fuck?” I demand, ripping open the envelope to find the acceptance letter. It’s right there in black and white. Congratulations Gael Fuil, you got accepted into a university three fucking thousand miles away. “You can’t go. I didn’t apply here! I’ve missed all the deadlines, even the late ones. You’re supposed to come to UMass with me. You said we were going to college together.”
Gael’s smile is a million miles away, but I haven’t seen it in what feels like months. He’s been… angry for a while. “My parents think we need to go to separate schools.”
His parents. I love them, but they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
“They said they won’t help me financially if I don’t pick a different school from you.”
“This is bullshit,” I hiss, sitting up and grabbing my laptop. “I’m going to find you scholarships. I’m going to find the money for you and you’re coming to UMass with me and your parents can go sit on their thumbs.”
