Phineas
I can’t be separated from both of my mates. I tried. I really did, but as soon as Sin pulled me into his arms, as soon as he touched me, it began healing the part of me that had started to wither from the separation. I’m going to have to convince Sin to keep me, that I am his. I have to find a way. I don’t know how yet, but my people teach us to follow our instincts, and right now they are telling me to touch and be touched.
While he bathed me, my heart gave me hope. For the first time in days I have an appetite, and it’s because Sin is the onefeeding me. I need his care. I need him to show me he cares for me, heart, mind, and body, as much as I need to show him the same. I don’t know how. I’ve been trying to figure it out, but when Gael is with us, the thing that matters most to Sin is that I treat Gael with the same loyalty he does. It’s hard to figure out how to love him when he’s so focused on Gael.
“Are you done eating?” Sin asks, taking the partially eaten pizza off my lap and setting it on the coffee table.
I usually eat a whole pizza myself, but days of no appetite have shrunk my stomach, and there’s a quarter of the pie left in the box. “I’m done,” I agree, slowly, cautiously leaning toward him to get physical contact again.
Sin immediately grabs me by the back of the neck. “Put your head in my lap,” he orders me, and I melt.
Relief that he’s still willing to hold me seeps into my bones as I curl myself nearly in half and lay my head on his thighs. He immediately combs his fingers through my hair, pulling a sigh from me. My eyes grow heavy while my heart heals a little more. I still miss Gael, and I need him to come home, but it’s bearable with Sin’s presence surrounding me.
Chapter 9
Present Day
Sin
Phin falls asleep with his head in my lap while watching the movie. It’s ridiculous how he contorts his huge body just to do this. The furniture I ordered that would make this less uncomfortable for him isn’t ready yet. The owner of the shop gave me a timetable, but it was months. I asked if I could pay for priority, and he said I had to choose one piece to prioritize.
Phin snores softly as I take the opportunity to study his sleeping face. The dark circles under his eyes indicated days—probably thirteen of them—of sleepless nights. His strange, alluring vulnerability and the trust he’s giving me force me to face the truth. It’s not that Icouldlike him, it’s that I actuallydolike him. Maybe I love him. I’ve never loved anyone who wasn’t my family or Gael; I’ve certainly never had any romantic interest in anyone. Not until him, and it makes me sick knowing what I’ve become.
Heart-pounding anxiety and foreign tenderness toward this giant make me the worst betrayer and the lowest scum to walk the earth, and that infuriates me. Gael shouldn’t have shared Phineas with me. If he’d kept his most precious treasure to himself, I wouldn’t have these feelings, and for one blinding moment, I hate. Truly, deeply hate. I can’t say if the hatred is toward myself or one of them, and I don’t want to know—I push that all-consuming feeling away. I want nothing to do with that dark part of my heart. I never want to feel that again. Not toward Phin, nor Gael. Not even myself.
And yet, I hate myself for wanting Phin’s love. I hate myself for wanting to take this time that Gael has stupidly given me and spend it stealing away his boyfriend's heart. I don’t want to want that, and I won’t do it, because as much as I want Phin, my loyalty belongs to Gael.
So I’m angry, frustrated, anxious, and in danger of falling deeper into my own affections—a cocktail of feelings that makes me want to hurt Phin for dividing my heart and hurt Gael for putting me into this situation.
Not that I would do either of those things. I love Gael more than I’m angry, frustrated, or jealous.
“Will you fuck me tonight?” Phin’s question startles me.
I didn’t realize that he’d woken up. I’ve spent half an hour petting his curly red hair while ruminating over my mixed up head and heart, and I didn’t notice that he’d stirred.
“Is that what you want?” I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. This guy belongs to Gael, and I never take anything he doesn’t give me. He told me to take care of Phin, but I don’t think this is what he had in mind. Gael knows I don’t have sex without him—not that I couldn’t, just that I don’t. I don’t seek out that kind of intimacy. I tried once, and it was hollow and dissatisfying without Gael’s effervescent presence.
Phin’s misery croaks through his raspy voice. “I want to forget how much I miss him.”
I study his heartache—it’s right there on his face for me to see, and dip my chin in acquiescence. “Go lay down while I clear up.” I need time away from him to clear my head so I don’t hurt him—so I take care of him the way Gael wants me to.
Phin doesn’t say anything more. He stands up and walks to the bedroom. I’m not sure he even notices that his towel stays on the couch.
I grab my phone and call Gael. I don’t expect him to answer, but I need to talk to him.
“Hello.” Gael’s voice sounds as ragged as Phin’s did earlier, but the pain in it is eclipsed by the unexpected relief that floods through me at hearing his voice.
Tears spring to my eyes, and I choke on an overwhelming deluge of emotions. “Gael,” I rasp, folding in on myself.
“Are you ok?” he asks, full of open concern beyond the grief.
I force myself to take a deep breath. “Sorry. I just don’t know what you want me to do. Phin?—”
“I told you, didn’t I? I want you to take care of him,” he gently reminds me.
I swallow hard, glancing down the hall where Phin waits for me. “He misses you.”
Gael’s silence fills the canyon between us for less than a second before he asks with more fervor than I expect from him. “Does he want you to fuck him?”
