I stand again, grabbing a towel for him as he also gets to his feet. “I’ll put on a movie,” I tell him, wrapping the towel around his neck and backing away. I haven’t watched a movie with him sinceThe Hobbit, and the very idea fills me with a reminder of how much Phin doesn’t like me, but I promised Gael, and I remind myself that Phin and I have been ok since I finally was able to get off with him. Plus, if he wants to sleep after eating, a movie is good enough background noise for that.
I have a few movies on my watch list, so I pick one I’ve been waiting to watch with Gael and have it queued up when Phin comes out of the bathroom in nothing but his towel. I shouldhave grabbed him a pair of flannels to wear, but if he wanted them, he knows where they are. I keep space in my closet for his clothes, and he’s pulled more than a few outfits out after spending the night here.
“Sit and eat, I’m going to go throw your clothes in the washer.” I don’t have any of his non-work clothes here, and none of mine will fit the massive man, so the best I can do is wash what he wore today.
“Thank you,” he rumbles softly, and he pulls a slice of his favorite pizza from the box.
This is the first time I’ve taken care of Phin since he met Gael—really taken care of him without begrudging reluctance—and this is the first time he’s offered me his genuine thanks. I’ve spent so many nights with this man, but this feels like it’s a first night, almost like a first date, even though it’s nothing like a real date, and that thought and the accompanying feeling make me strangely nervous.
Why is everything wrong with me today?
I don’t get anxious very often—Gael has always been by my side, so I never had to worry about much. I’ve experienced this emotion three times in my memory, and each time I’ve been anxious, Gael couldn’t be by my side: my driver’s license road test, my first job interview, and the day my mother brought home my baby sister when I was seventeen—I couldn’t even hold her, I shook so much.
Gael’s been my rock from the start. Without him here, I feel like I might fuck up, and the last thing I want to do is mess up Gael’s happiness. Phin may be new in our lives, but he’s essential to Gael and has been since the beginning. In my heart, being here with Phin and taking care of him like Gael asked me to is a test of my love and my resolve to see Gael’s smile.
I haven’t liked Phin or appreciated him the way I should have if I really want Gael to be happy, but in the few weeks thatGael’s been gone, I’ve had time to evaluate myself and my heart, and there’s a reason why I’ve kept my attachment to this guy to a minimum. I hate to even think it, because it makes me the absolute scum of the earth, and I know it comes from that dark, greedy, selfish place that I keep having to force down. I hated all of the girlfriends who dumped him because of me, and I hate myself when I peek at the truth—the reason I feel anxious right now.
I might fall in love with Phin if I don’t keep burying that dark part of my heart, and the worst part is, every ounce of me envies Gael, who found him first.
The Summer Before College
Sin
Gael’s smile has been tight and stressed for the last month. It feels like graduation was the last time I saw his Christmas smile, and I’m worried. I’m not sure what’s stressing him out, but I know it has to do with his parents. I haven’t been allowed over to his house all summer. His grandfather lets me hang out with him there, but any time I see his parents, they’re polite but far more distant than they’ve ever been. I think it’s because I convinced him to go to the same school as me, and I found all the money he needs to get through four years there.
It was hard work applying for that many scholarships, and he didn’t get most of them. I think we probably sent out three hundred scholarship applications. We worked hard, and now we just have to get through the summer, but for fuck’s sake, I hate seeing him like this.
“Hey,” I greet him, sitting next to him on the front porch swing at his grandparents’ house.
He moves a few inches over until our shoulders are touching and pushes with his toes to make the swing move.
I let him sit in silence with me, swinging in the summer heat, wondering if there is anything that will bring him out of his funk. His mother exits the house across the street, crossing her arms and standing on the porch, staring at us. She’s always been kind to me, but the daggers in her eyes feel like physical weapons. If Gael wasn’t here, I’d leave, because I don’t want to be the object of that glare, but at the same time, “You know it doesn’t bother me, right? She can hate what I’ve done all she wants, but I’m not giving up college with you just because they have a problem with us attending the same school.”
Gael pulls his gaze away from his mother, turning his attention back to me. Something in me settles at being his focus again, like I’m not quite right if he’s looking elsewhere. I’m not sure how long I’ve felt this way—do I hate it when he has girlfriends too?
I don’t think so.
Probably because I know they’re always temporary, but his mother—she’s a permanent fixture, and this division is the first real threat to our friendship that’s ever cropped up.
“She’ll get over it,” he assures me, lifting his arm and dropping it over my shoulders. “I don’t like that she’s mad, but she can’t control my life, and I’m always going to choose you, and anyway, she’s not that mad about the college thing. It’s inheritance stuff that’s got her mad at me.”
Why would she be mad at me if the problem is inheritance shit?
“What’s the issue?” I question, hoping to understand better what had my best friend in such a terrible place.
Gael closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and when he releases it, he leans forward, placing his forehead against mine. “It’s nothing you should worry about, Sin. You’re it for me, you know. Not everyone finds their perfect person when they’re five, and I’m not giving you up because she can’t understand what perfect means.”
I chuckle at that, shaking my head. He’s the perfect one. I won’t argue, though; I refuse to add to the stress that his mother is causing him. “Let’s go back to my place. I’ve got some drumsticks in the freezer and a new game waiting for us.”
Gael sighs, stands, pulls me up, and waves to his mother, calling to her, “See you tomorrow!”
She waves, calling back, “I love you!”
Gael hollers those words back to her before slinging his arm around my shoulders and walking with me back to my place. “She’s crazy, but at least she loves me.”
He’s still tense though.
Present Day
