A hand settles on my arm. It’s not Santino’s hand—it’s smaller, delicate, but strong. I’d recognize that hand anywhere. Rhys pulls me away from Santino and launches himself at me, grabbing me in a bear hug that shouldn’t be possible for someone so small.
Humiliation follows close on the heels of my surprise. Oh my god, I forgot he was here—thateveryoneis here. And everyone is currently witnessing my breakdown.
But as Rhys holds me in that tight hug, my body slowly remembers what it’s like to be held by him. I melt into his embrace. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed the times we spent cuddling on the couch together for movie nights. I miss how generous he is with his affection and his fierce loyalty. I’ve missed my best friend.
My eyes sting with unshed tears.
“I love you, you know,” Rhys murmurs in my ear. “No matter what happens. I always will.”
I try to blink back the tears when he lets me go. But then Sebastian appears out of nowhere to take his place. His hug is just as tight as Rhys’s. “I’m so sorry, dude. We should’ve done better. We will do better.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, but stray droplets escape my lashes. Embarrassment crashes through me at the attention I’m getting, attention I’m stealing away from Noel and Bellamy. This istheirbachelor party. They should be the focus—not me. My friends shouldn’t be making such a fuss about me. I’m not worth it.
When Sebastian steps back, I’m shocked to find Noel waiting his turn. I don’t remember the last time Noel and I hugged—if we ever have. But he pulls me in for something quick and solid. “Don’t be a smartass and try to do everything yourself. You’re not that good at it and I’ve got a shit ton of money to throw at every problem.”
Despite myself, a laugh bubbles up inside me. Trust Noel to find the most insulting way to be encouraging. He gives me a stinging slap on the back, then suddenly, I’m tugged to my feet and enveloped in a group hug with Rhys, Sebastian, and Noel pressing in on all sides.
Something inside me breaks and the tears come pouring down my cheeks. I can’t hold back the sobs any longer. I’ve been carrying this secret around for so long, trying to hide it from my friends, trying not to burden them with it.
My friends are all so cool in their own ways and I’ve always felt I should stay in the background so they can have the spotlight. But then I feel invisible, like they never see me, and it hurts.
That’s not their fault, though, is it? It’s mine. I should’ve said something when things started to get bad. I shouldn’t have avoided their questions or tried to run away. I should’ve trusted my friends to care about me, that they want to help.
Bellamy, Angel, and Christian step up behind their partners, forming a second circle around us. They all press in tighter, squeezing me until it’s a little difficult to breathe. I don’t mind. I feel like I’ve barely breathed in months and being in the middle of this group hug is filling me up with something more important than oxygen.
The group shifts and suddenly Santino is there. I latch onto him, drawing him into the middle of the circle. I want to get better so badly. For Santino. For my friends. For myself. I don’t want to be this broken, damaged person anymore. I want to be happy and healthy and whole.
But what if I don’t get better? What if I can’t? What if the doctor can’t help me and I stay broken forever? What if I get worse?
Will I lose my friends? Will I lose Santino?
All the pain I’ve carried around this past year comes tumbling out in great, heaving sobs. Fear and anger, my waning strength and bone-deep fatigue. I let it all go and admit defeat. I can’t fight the darkness anymore. Not on my own. I need help.
I cling to Santino, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He holds me as other hands rub my back and arms, as fingers card through my hair.
I don’t have to fight the darkness on my own anymore. I never should’ve tried to begin with.
When my tears finally slow, it’s not because there’s no reason to cry anymore. It’s because I’ve run out of tears. I’m wrung out and raw. It feels like the ugly mess I’ve kept inside all these months has been siphoned out of my body, leaving me staggering and off-kilter.
“I’m so sorry,” I croak when the sobs fade.
“Denny! You have nothing to be sorry for.” Rhys grips my arm and turns me toward him. His eyes flash with determination and a fierceness I’ve always admired. “We’rethe ones who should be sorry. We never should’ve let you drift so far away. But that’s not happening again. We’re going to take such good care of you, you’re going to get sick of us.” Rhys’s words sting like blood rushing back into a limb that’s gone numb.
“But I don’t—” The words get caught in my throat. I’m about to say I don’t want to be a burden, but voicing it out loud feels so stupid and pathetic.
“Nope, you have no choice.” Rhys crosses his arms over his chest and lifts his chin. “You’re stuck with us whether you like it or not.”
“Yup.” Sebastian gives me a “sorry, not sorry, dude” smile.
And when Noel doesn’t say anything, Rhys jabs him in the side with an elbow. “Ow, what the fuck? Yeah, Jesus, of course I’m going to help. I’m not an asshole.”
The entire group falls silent as we turn as one to stare at Noel.
From behind him, Bellamy leans in to rest his chin on Noel’s shoulder. “Babe, you’ve got a good heart, but you are one thousand percent an asshole.”
Noel smirks, all smug and arrogant.
“So, um, now I have to be the asshole because we need to get to the club.” Sebastian winces as he speaks. “But you and Santino don’t have to go.”
