Riley grips the sheets tightly in her hands as I push inside her, angry and selfish.
I ignore her moaning, I don’t listen to her breathing, I don’t listen to my own body, begging me for pleasure.
I am not making love to her.
I’m just fucking her.
That’s what I repeat to myself in my head as I continue to fill her up, up, up with me, and when I feel her tightening around my cock, I speed up until I hear her scream in liberation.
I let her hips go and I fall onto her and with one decisive thrust I submerge her in all of my anger.
I lie on top of her, crushing her under my weight, and pant into her neck. I should get up now and let her breathe, ask her if everything is okay, but the truth is I’m not able to move or look her in the eyes, because I’d find all the hate she feels for me right there. The hate that I feel towards myself too.
I fucked her like it was a punishment. I fucked her hard, trying to destroy every last bit of the emptiness that is consuming her. I fucked her to show her that I’m not the one she wants.
Instead the only thing I wanted was to touch her, feel her and to love her so that she felt it.
I wanted her to be mine.
Riley stirs below me and I understand that we need to face what we’ve just done.
I move aside as she stays there, spread-eagled on her back with her arms hanging by her sides.
We are silent for what seems like hours, with anxiety suffocating me, but Riley doesn’t move a muscle. It seems like she’s not even breathing.
What the hell have I done?
“I shouldn’t have.”
Guilt starts to eat me up inside.
“I asked you to.”
“You wanted me to be a fucking bastard?”
“Isn’t that what you are?”
She sits up and looks around for her clothes on the floor. She puts on her top, then her underwear – which is still wet.
“Aren’t you the one who only knows how to take?”
I get off the bed too.
“It was…wrong. A terrible mistake. You told me so. God, I thought…”
I try to touch her but she moves away from me.
“…I thought it would be different. I thought it meant something to you,” she says, her voice shaking. “I almost believed you,” she shakes her head. “You’ll never change Ian O’Connor.”
She throws her disappointment in my face before making it to the garage door, opening it and disappearing into the night.
I fall back onto the bed with my head in my hands.
I got it all fucking wrong.
She came here for someone to desire her, to make her feel loved.
Me.
She wanted me to love her.
I’ve wasted the only chance I had. I’ve ruined everything before it could really turn into something.
I’ve done it again.
I’ve made the only woman I’m able to love run away.
