Riley
Ifall asleep after a bottle of wine or two. I pass out on the floor and get up only at dawn, woken by the sounds on the road. I get onto my knees and try to stand up, but my head is spinning and I land splayed out on my bed.
I haven’t cried. Not one tear.
He’ll have nothing from me.
Never again.
He won’t even have my pain.
I feel a hammering in my head that’s reverberating all over my body. I lift my head from the mattress and try to figure out what’s going on.
These sounds aren’t coming from my head.
I get up and approach the door. I put my ear to it.
“Riley…”
I close my eyes. I’m not listening.
“Open this damn door.”
I can’t breathe.
“I’m coming in anyway.”
“Go away,” I try, but I know he won’t listen to me, just like I know he’ll find a way in no matter whether I want him to or not.
I open the lock and the door slams open, almost knocking me over.
Ian comes into my apartment and closes the door behind him. I step back, afraid of the expression on his face. I squash myself against the wall as he nails me to the wall with his hard stare.
“You left,” he thunders.
“You seriously thought I’d stick around after…?”
“You left!” he repeats, and this time his voice is desperate. “You left me alone. After having told me all those things…All I wanted was to hold you and keep you close to me, and instead you walked out on me.”
He lets his hands slide down the wall and it’s only then that I notice they’re all cut up.
“What…?”
“I destroyed everything.”
I look at him, frightened.
“I had to. I can’t remember. I can’t think. I can’t…without you.”
“You’re out of control, Ian.”
He moves away from me and I start to breathe again.
“I shouldn’t have, but I did. I shouldn’t have let you in my house that afternoon. I shouldn’t have let you dig up everything I was trying to push down. I shouldn’t have let you back into my life!”
He steps back a few paces and touches his face.
“I shouldn’t have waited all this time. You should have been mine from the first night at that party. I shouldn’t have let you believe for a minute that I didn’t want you, but I was hurt and scared. I didn’t think I could do it, don’t you get it? So, I waited. I waited for the feelings to go away. Waited for you to get out of my head. I had to keep you away from me, Riley. You…you would have destroyed me.”
