Everything is full of her.
I am full of her.
Alex will never go away, even if death should tear her away from my arms, because she will always be here, in my heart, where her place is and always has been.
“Hey…” Rain sticks her head in the doorway. “You’re here. She didn’t bring the monitor and she can’t be alone all night. Someone has to stay here.”
“I know,” I reply, simply falling into the armchair in the corner. “I never would have let her sleep alone. Go on to bed, I’ll be here.”
“Are you sure?” she eyes me with suspicion.
“I won’t even think about touching her, Rain, if that’s what’s worrying you.”
Rain doesn’t answer me and before leaving gives me a smile as if we were co-conspirators.
I sit like a statue in the armchair, I don’t move a muscle, I don’t close my eyes.
I couldn’t do it.
I won’t go… I won’t sleep… I can’t breathe … Until you’re resting here with me.
She is here, in my bed and I’ll stay and watch her all night, for life if necessary, because what I now feel has a name: it’s love, true and frightening.
Something that will not be satisfied.
A love that I’d like to wash over her like a river that would wrap her up and keep her safe from everything.
I can’t go anywhere, I can’t sleep, I can’t even breathe until she’s here with me.
I won’t leave… I can’t hide… I cannot be… Until you’re resting here with me.
I haven’t lived away from you, I haven’t been anything.
I am nothing, Alex, nothing without you.
—
ALEX
I wake up slowly and turn in the bed, hugging the pillow. I can smell his scent in the sheets and I feel oddly well, safe.
At home.
I force myself to open my eyes. I rub them while yawning. Then I push myself up onto my elbows and there he is, a few meters away from me, sitting in the armchair.
“Good morning.” He smiles.
“Goo-good morning,” I say in return, confused.
“Were you here all night?”
He nods and smiles again.
“You didn’t have to do that, it’s not necessary,” I say, annoyed. “I don’t need someone watching over me!” I sit up straight, settling in the middle of the bed.
Jason gets up from the armchair, rubbing his face with his hands and adjusting his rebellious hair. He’s wearing sporty pants, no shirt or socks, in all his splendor.
I have to swallow hard a few times to tear my eyes away from his perfect body.
