that Erin needs help right now, that she needs
people close to her. She’s like family after all;
she’s been with us for a year. Rain loves her.
Everyone in the bar likes her, and now she’s alone.
We can’t abandon her.
Ican’t abandon her.
Slowly, she drifts off to sleep, cradled by my
words. I get up carefully as to not wake her and
then crouch down to pick her up to take her to the
bedroom, where she will be more comfortable.
I draw her to me to balance the weight and her
heat mixes with mine. A shiver runs down my back
and my arms start to shake, and not because of the
weight.
I’m too close.
Dangerously close.
Close to throwing away everything I’ve been
feeding myself for thirty years. Everything I’ve
always believed. Everything I’ve always fought
for. I’m so close that I feel her weight directly on
my chest as if she were sucking away my breath.
I hold her to my chest and her head falls onto
my shoulder. Instinctively I give her a kiss on the
forehead and take in her perfume that fills my
nostrils, assaults my senses, until abandoning me
in a place I’ve never been, I’ve never been a part
of, and to which I never thought I would belong.
I set her down softly on the bed and cover her
with the blanket. I observe her for a few minutes
and it seems like I’m holding my breath and I can
