never was mine but I felt like she was since the
first moment I knew about her existence. And it’s
inexplicable what I feel for her, but it’s so beautiful
and pure, something innocent that has bloomed in
my heart spontaneously, as easily as breathing.
And I imagined holding her in my arms on the
first day of her life. Of taking her to the park and
pushing her on the swing. Taking her for walks on
the beach and holding her hand on the first day of
school. Of singing her a song every night to lull
her to sleep. And to stay awake, all night if
necessary, so I could watch over her dreams, to
battle any monsters and dragons and to be her
hero.
I heard her voice in my head calling me daddy
and I thought I would die of happiness. Because
this child filled my life and gave me a reason to be
a better person, to take care of others and to love
them with all of my heart.
And I would have loved her forever without
compromise.
Aaron clears his throat, shaking me from my
daydream, a dream I need to let go of now because
it ends with the derailing of my heart. Because
there won’t be anyone to call me daddy. And there
won’t be any woman next to me, to hold my hand,
to smile at me, to hold me and to rub my back.
Because she is with someone else now, someone
who took the place I wanted and would have paid
anything for.
