His eyes finally meet mine, and I give him a pleading look.Then, in a flash, he’s hugging me.
For the first time in two days, I feel like I can take a full breath.I hold him close, cradling the back of his head as he tucks his face into my neck.His hands fist the back of my sweatshirt, almost like he’s afraid I’m going to shove him away at any moment.
Not a chance.
I bury my face in his hair.“I am so sorry, Reid.I was avoiding you, but it wasn’t because of anything you did.You have done nothing wrong.There were some… things about myself that I needed to figure out, and I needed time to do that.”
“Time and space?”he mumbles.
“Yeah, time and space.”I close my eyes for a moment, letting his proximity calm me.I can do this.“But I’m ready to tell you now, which is why I asked if we could talk.”
“Do you need that space now, too?”he asks.
I smile to myself.That’s such a Reid way to put it.“Yeah, I think it’ll be easier for me to get it out.”
He nods against the crook of my neck, then sits back.His hands fall back into his lap, and he looks at me patiently.“Go ahead.I’m listening.”
I had an entire speech prepared.It was well thought out, organized, concise.But when I open my mouth, that speech is not what comes out.Instead, I ramble.I talk in circles.I barely even breathe as the stream of consciousness falls from my mouth.
I’m barely aware of what I’m saying, but the main points are in there somewhere: I’m not straight, he’s the reason I realized I’m not straight, and I’m fucking crazy about him.
When I finish and finally breathe, Reid says nothing.I don’t really expect him to at first.I dumped a lot on him at once, and he’s never been the kind of person to respond to anything without fully and logically processing the information first—especially when emotions are involved.It’s one of the things I appreciate about him—he’s considerate.But all of that processing is internal, and most of the time, his face is so neutral that I can’t even guess what he’s thinking.
Which isn’t usually a problem, except I just laid my heart and soul out for him to see, and all he’s doing is staring at me.I dig my nails into my palm, trying to ground myself.But it doesn’t work.My leg bounces, and he just keeps staring.And finally, I break.
“I know this is a lot, but can you please say something?Anything?Even just acknowledge that you heard me?Because I’m kind of spiraling a little, and—”
Something in his expression clears, and his eyes fall down to my restless leg.He untangles his hands from where they were clasped in his lap and places his palm on my knee.My leg stills, and my breath catches when he squeezes.It may not be words, but it’s something.I still have no idea if he feels the same way, but at least I know I haven’t made him uncomfortable with my declaration.If I had, he wouldn’t be touching me, right?
I hold my breath as he lifts his eyes back up to meet mine.There’s something soft in them that has a glimmer of hope blooming in my chest.I exhale in relief and slide my hand to cover his on my knee, then he blurts out the last thing I expect him to say.
“Can I kiss you?”
I'd played out countless versions of Reid's reaction to my coming out,but this hadn’t been one of them—even in the best case version, where he’d ended up confessing that he had feelings for me too and asked me on a date.Hell, even in the horny version where he dropped to his knees in front of me, right in the middle of the living room, and sucked me off until I came down his throat, there’d still been a conversation first.
But he’s skipping right over that.No confessions of “I like you too” or questions about how I envision a relationship working between us, seeing as we’re roommates.It’s probably safe to assume that if he wants to kiss me, he has feelings for me too, but the anxious voice in my head needs confirmation.So I ask.
“Does that mean you like me too?”
He says nothing, only nods.But there’s an almost longing look in his eye, and that’s enough for now.
“Then yes, ple—”
I don’t get the whole word out before Reid’s lips slam against mine.It happens so fast that all I can do is hum in surprise.My brain goes offline for a second, and by the time I can get my body to respond how I want, he’s already pulling away.
“Sorry,” he blurts, and I squeeze the hand still on my knee to reassure him.
“No, it’s okay, don’t—” I cut him off, but he barrels forward.
“I’ve wanted to do that for weeks because I—well, I’m kind of crazy about you,” he says, blushing with embarrassment.
“You are?”I ask, barely above a whisper.
“Completely,” he says, so earnest that I nearly melt.“But I messed it up.I rushed it, and…” He lets out a sigh and looks at his lap.
“It’s okay,” I repeat.“Better than okay.It wasgood.”
“But you didn’t kiss me back,” he says, simply stating a fact.But there’s an edge of disappointment beneath it.
