I grip the door handle and pull it open with resolve, jumping when I see Reid standing in the hallway, hand poised to knock.“Shit,” I swear under my breath.
“Sorry,” he blurts out, dropping his hand back to his side.
“No, it’s okay.You just startled me,” I assure him.
We stand for a moment in awkward silence, then break it at the same time, saying, “Can I talk to you?”
Wait, he wants to talk to me too?What could he want to talk to me about?Did I do something?No, I’ve barely seen him in the two days I’ve been hiding in my room, so I wouldn’t have had time to do anything—unless that’s what he wants to talk about.Is he mad that I’ve been avoiding him?Or does he already know what I want to talk to him about?Maybe he somehow heard me through the walls as I talked to Amy over the phone, and he—
“Parker,” he says, stopping the runaway thoughts in their tracks.
I realize my breathing has gotten shallower, so I inhale slowly and let it out.“Sorry I was—”
“I know.”
We’re silent for another beat, then I mentally shake myself to reset.
“Can we go sit in the living room?”I ask, and he nods.
We sit on the couch, at least a foot between us, not unlike how we used to.Except before, we were still comfortable with each other.Now there’s an anxious energy lingering between us, and I hate it, especially since it’s almost certainly my fault.I’m rotated to face him, but Reid is sitting facing forward.He isn’t looking at me.His hands are twisted in his lap.
I can do this.
“Okay, so first, I’m—”
“Wait,” he exclaims.“Can I go first?”He glances over at me, but shakes his head before turning his gaze back down, as if realizing eye contact might be too much at the moment..
I want to insist on going first because this is already not going according to plan, but I can’t bring myself to say no to him.
He doesn’t wait for me to give him permission though, and blurts out, “I’m sorry.”
Wait, what?Why is he sorry?I was going to be the one apologizing.“Why—”
“I don’t know what I did, but whatever it is, I didn’t mean it,” he says, his voice thready with anxiety.
“No, you didn’t do anything.I—”
He pivots to face me now, but his eyes are still trained on his lap.“Except I did because you’ve been avoiding me—and don’t say you haven’t.You have, and if it was because you were sick or stressed about school, you’d talk to me about it.I know because you’ve always talked to me about it before.So, the only logical conclusion is that it’s because of something I did.But I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out what it is, and I can’t—” His breath hitches, and I want to comfort him—to hold him—but I can tell by the rigid set of his shoulders that it isn’t the right time.
“Reid—”
“I can’t figure it out.Was it our sleeping together?That’s the only thing I can think of.We’d never done that before, but I thought it was fine.That morning, you weren’t acting any differently.But then I got home from work that day, and you were hiding out in your room, telling me you had a headache and weren’t hungry.Did I make you uncomfortable somehow?Did I cross a boundary I shouldn’t have?Or was I too needy?Do you need space?Because I can be less clingy.”His voice breaks, nearly breaking my heart along with it.“We don’t have to cuddle anymore if you don’t want to.Just please tell me whatever it is, and I won’t do it again.I’ll be better, I promise.”
Shit, I need to fix this.I can’t let him think this is his fault.
“Reid, no.You have done absolutely nothing—” Fuck it.I exhale sharply and scoot closer to him.“Look at me.”
He jerks his head no.
“Please, Reid,” I beg.
He must be able to hear the desperation in it because he looks up.He doesn’t look me in the eye, but at least I can see his face now.
“Come here,” I say, offering him a hand.
His brow furrows.“But—”
“Fuck, please let me— You have done nothing wrong,” I insist.“You’ve been perfect, and I am so sorry that I made you think otherwise.This has all been on me, and I promise I will explain, but first I really need you to come here.”
