‘I borrowed a family car. And don’t worry about it.’
‘I’m sorry, again.’ Bea handed Cal his car keys. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘I’m all right, thanks.’ Was there the tiniest little flicker of amusement on his face, at her attempt at what she supposed was the done thing in this country – to offer tea in times of crisis? ‘Look, Bea?—’
‘Would you like to sit down? You look tired?’
‘No. I’d rather just say this. That’s the most important thing. And I don’t need to be sitting down to say it.’
‘Well, I have a flight to catch so if you could make it quick.’ Bea shocked herself at how short she was being with him. Cal started, taken aback too.
‘When is your flight?’
‘Um, eight tonight?’
He looked at his watch. ‘Right, well, I’ll try to wrap this up in the next four hours.’ He was joking, but Bea remained steadfast.
‘I have to pack,’ she said.
‘Aye, all right. Look, Bea, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I had no idea Elisabetta was going to turn up last night.’
‘I know you didn’t.’
‘Okay, but I know how embarrassing it must have been to see her there.’
Embarrassing?Bea frowned. He was oblivious to how much it cut her up to see him with his ex. Bea wasn’t merely embarrassed; she was struggling in foreign waters, lost, away from a sinking ship that she thought was sailing towards a bright horizon. But no way would she would admit that. Not if he thought it was only a bit of social upset.
‘You were my guest, and I left you so I could talk to her and that must have been uncomfortable for you. I’m so sorry.’
Bea said nothing. She couldn’t. It was too hard. Shewould sound spoiled and silly. How could she explain without sounding ridiculous? Then he would try and convince her it would all be fine and she’d be trapped in a scenario that was against the better wishes of her heart. She wrote all the time about characters being true to themselves; for once in her life, she needed to do the same.
‘Bea? Are you going to say anything? I really am sorry.’
‘It’s fine, Cal, you didn’t embarrass me. Well, you did a little, but it’s no big deal.’
‘It’s not? Then why did you drive off like that?’
She searched his face. He didn’t understand and she couldn’t bring herself to explain. It hurt too much, and, in her deepest centre of truth, Bea knew she was scared that Cal would see that what she was saying made total sense and that she wasn’t a proper woman, and what had he been thinking?
‘I don’t have anything more to add,’ Bea said, in the most detached tone she could muster, but boy was it hard.
‘Really?’
‘I don’t know what youwantme to say, Cal.’
‘I don’t know either. But I do know I don’t want you to leave here like this.’
‘Like what exactly?’
‘Like this. All cold and anonymous. I think we have more than that. Look, I know that you only ever wanted this to be a fling, and that’s all I ever thought it would be too...’
Bea glanced up at him. Where was he going with this?
‘Bea, I knew you were more than a fling when we decided to have a fling. It was the single daftest and smartest decision I ever made, to do the “three months and bye bye” thing with you. The three months was the smart bit because if I only had five minutes with you, I’d take it. It’s probablyall I’d need to be honest, the amount you turn me on. I’m joking. But I’d be happy sitting holding your hand. Anyway, the “bye bye” bit was never going to work. Not recognising that you’d be impossible to let go makes me Scotland’s biggest numpty. Bea, I have never met a woman that has the effect on me that you do. This country can be so gloomy and dreich and it’s winter about 340 days of the year, but you waltz in and it’s like … I don’t know, the two weeks we get in May when the sun shines and everyone says summer’s arrived and takes their tops off. That’s you. Sunshine and ice lollies and taps aff. And, Jesus, just as well I don’t write greetings cards for a living.’ Cal shook his head and raked his palm through his hair. ‘Welcome to romance, Scotland style.’
Bea pursed her lips and tried not to laugh. Or cry. What he’d said was beautiful. And he looked as edible as an ice lolly.This is so hard.
Cal continued. ‘Before you came along, I thought I could only ever have vacuous women because that is all I ever had. I’d decided to be alone and focus on my work. I never thought it was possible to experience job satisfactionandhave a woman like you in my life. A woman whose company I can’t get enough of, that I thrive on being around.’
