‘Betta, I have to go. Drive safely.’ Cal watched as she got into her car and deliberately took her time getting comfortable, putting her seatbelt on, slowly reversing out of the parking spot before stopping to apply some lipstick and face mist, then finally driving out of the grounds of the house. Cal’s brow furrowed, and he was fraught with angst. He knew if he showed any sign of going back in before Elisabetta was out of sight, she would find a reason to return, but the minute the white of her car disappeared from his vision he strode back into the house.
Cal’s heart sank as he entered the dining room and saw that Bea’s place was empty. It confirmed all his fears. She had gone.
‘Where’s Bea?’ he asked Cara as she was most likely to know. But on this occasion, his nosey sister let him down.
‘She went to freshen up about twenty minutes ago, butshe hasn’t come back. I thought she would have found you, so I didn’t want to interrupt.’
Cal scraped his hand through his hair. If it weren’t for the fact that his car was gone, he’d have accepted Cara’s theory as the probable truth, but something in his gut told him otherwise. He’d messed this one up.
He left the dining room and took the stairs two at a time, burst into Bea’s room and shot his eyes to the dresser. The car keys were missing. And in their place was a piece of paper. A tightness built in his throat as he read the note. Yep, she’d taken his car and gone. Cal slammed his hand on the dresser, then reflected that he deserved that more than the furniture. What an absolute idiot he’d been. There could be only one reason Bea had left like this, and it wasn’t simply because he stepped away from the table for a little too long. No, this was about feelings – unequivocally – how she felt about him. It must match how he felt about her. Cal knew it now. He had to find Bea and get her back. No way was he letting her leave the country without telling her what she meant to him.
But it was his father’s party. This was important. Really important. His father meant the world to Cal and upping and leaving his celebration on a melodramatic whim was not an option. In fact, it would mostly upset his mother. He couldn’t do it. There was no way that Bea would leave the UK in the next twenty-four hours. First thing in the morning, Cal would get himself back down to Edinburgh, find her and tell her she wasn’t going anywhere, not until he could be open about his feelings. She had to know. And he had to know if it was mutual because he was sure that, had she not been in love with him too, she wouldn’t have disappeared in such a hurry when Elisabetta had arrived. God, he’d been a fool.
The rest of the evening dragged like a slow ocean trawler out on the horizon. Cal tried his best to enjoy himself and make sure that his father had a wonderful evening. Was he annoyed at Bea for having put him in this position? No. She hadn’t stormed off in a blaze of histrionics; she had subtly made an exit after what must have been quite a difficult situation for her. Elisabetta, conversely, with her unwanted entrance, should have known better. The conversation she wanted to have was one they could have had in Edinburgh; but Betta had wanted to ingratiate herself with Cal’s family. She was unable to accept that he didn’t want her to be part of his life. No, Elisabetta was the rude one here, not Bea.
Cal took it easy on the alcohol, mindful of the fact that he to get up early and drive to Edinburgh. He considered getting a flight, but he couldn’t bear the waiting time at the airport. He’d far rather be on the road and moving to give the illusion of getting to Bea as quickly as possible, even if it worked out roughly the same amount of time. Already he missed her. He’d so cherished the promise of having her by his side this evening, of watching her win over his family, of being warmed by her presence, hearing her laughter and seeing her listen intently to whoever she was locked in conversation with. Then he’d wanted to be in bed with her, pull her to him, her soft, warm skin against his own, kiss her, make love to her again and again. They’d have stayed up all night but woken up entirely enlivened from the drug that is each other’s company. Not exhausted from a restless night alone, unable to sleep from worrying about where she was and if she’d got back to Edinburgh safely. He’d tried calling her mobile but it rang forever or went straight to voicemail. Bea either didn’t want to talk to him or the lack of signal denied her the right.
At 5 a.m. Cal forced himself under a cold shower. Nothing less than he deserved for putting Bea through that last night and hopefully enough to ready him for today. He re-packed his barely unpacked bag and made his way downstairs to the kitchen. As anticipated, his mum was already up and sitting at the large kitchen table reading the news online.
‘Morning, Mum.’
Amanda Butler didn’t look too surprised to see her eldest son up at such an early hour. Cal hadn’t said too much the night before, but Amanda was astute enough to work out that Elisabetta’s appearance and Bea’s disappearance were not entirely unlinked.
‘I have to go back to Edinburgh,’ he told her. ‘I’m taking a spare car, so I’ll come back up next week again with the car and spend some quality time with you and Dad.’
‘Okay, Love,’ said Amanda. ‘I hope Bea is okay. Have you heard from her?’
‘No, I haven’t. I hope she’s okay, too.’ Cal rubbed his chin. ‘This is all my stupid fault, Mum. Please tell Dad I’m sorry.’
‘You’ve nothing to be sorry for, Cal. Your dad had a great time last night, but he was in bed by nine so he wouldn’t have noticed much. He went to sleep a contented man and will wake up one too.’
Cal nodded. ‘Thanks. Are you okay? We didn’t get to talk much about Dad’s illness and what it means for you.’
‘I’m good, sweetheart. Don’t worry about me. I was planning to take a step back from the business anyway, so I’ll be doing a gradual handover of the reins. And we’re lucky enough to be able to afford extra help at home, so please don’t worry about us. We can talk more next weekend. I’m looking forward to it already.’
‘Me too. I’ll see you then.’ Cal gave his mum a tight squeeze, kissed her on the cheek and told her he loved her. Then he went outside to get in the car and journey back down south.
The drive back to Edinburgh was a blur. By the time he reached the city’s outskirts, Cal was alert on adrenaline and thanking his lucky stars that he’d arrived safely, considering he didn’t remember much about the journey. He recalled the speedometer hovering around maximum and over a lot of the way though, although it was hard on the smaller, more winding roads.
It was now 11.30 a.m. Where would she be? Surely at her apartment. Cal swung the car towards the south of the city. Fifteen minutes later, he was parking outside Bea’s flat, just as two days earlier. Only now, he had no idea if she would be there or not, and so much more rested on the hope that she was. Cal rubbed his eyes. Exhaustion weighed on him, but he had to find the energy to go out there and fight for this woman. He’d never shied away from hard work, always believing you could achieve whatever you wanted if you put your mind to it, although he knew that Bea was a living, breathing person he couldn’t make behave whichever way he wanted. There were feelings to consider. He only hoped that hers were the same as his.
Cal knocked on the door of the flat and waited, heart in his throat, for Bea to answer. He noted the flaking paint and empty crisp bags at his feet and shook his head at the fact she had to live somewhere like this. She deserved so much better.
Chapter 53
Bea
Bea heard the knock at the door and her hands trembled around the cup of camomile tea she’d been drinking to calm her nerves. It was a fruitless endeavour. Those nerves had barely subsided since she’d left Kinshore, and her whole body had tremored all through the booking of a flight back to the States; how could a cup of tea help? The uncertainty terrified her. It was like some part of her didn’t want to leave Scotland, wanted things to work out with Cal. Returning to the States felt like going somewhere foreign and unknown and filled her with dread. How could leaving a place you’d been for barely two months be so difficult? Bea knew why and it was the same reason that she was shaking at the thought of opening the door: Cal. Cal made Scotland more than just a place; he’d given the country a heart and made her so welcome. And now he was on the other side of the door. Bea considered not opening it, but seeing as she had already stolen his car, she didn’t have the heart. She would have to play a part here to get through this. The part of a heartless woman.
Cal’s face was drawn. Like a man who’d lain awake allnight worrying. He was still handsome, but a slightly careworn handsome. It was less than twenty-four hours since she had seen him last, but with the journey and distance travelled since it could have been days ago in another land. Bea was discomfited. Now she was distant from this man to whom she’d been growing closer; he was almost a stranger again. The initial reaction was one of sadness, but she tried to tell herself that, if she was going to make the break from him, this was a good thing. Although it would be damned difficult if he kept staring at her with those hopeful green eyes.
‘Morning.’ Cal’s voice was a little hoarse and somewhat muted.
‘Morning.’ Bea found it hard to look at him for long. Because if she had to stare at his beautiful face, she would end up admitting what he meant to her and, subsequently, what she’d have to walk away from. And then she might not walk away from it, and that would mean being stuck in a scenario where she was reminded how substandard she felt because he was having a child with another woman. In her heart, Bea knew she should be bigger than this and accept that Cal had to do the right thing, and how much he wouldn’t be the man she loved if he hadn’t. But it was more complicated than that. Everything was entangled in the worthlessness Josh had made her feel and the added kick in the gut of Avery’s baby.
‘Do you mind if I come in?’ Cal asked, and Bea realised that she must have been standing deep in thought for some time.
‘Um, yes, do, sorry.’ She fumbled her words slightly as she moved from out of the doorframe to let Cal enter the flat. ‘I’m sorry about taking your car. How did you get here?’
