“Yeah.” Marlon smiles. “Something like that.” He sits up and the bedsheet slips, giving me a glance at his dick. One last time, I look at it, before I have to pretend it doesn’t exist when we’re back to being team mates.
“Thank you,” Marlon continues. “Really. This was—” He gestures helplessly, and I nod. I know exactly what he means. “I never could have imagined—” He shrugs and I want to hug him. I want to touch him so bad, kiss his head and hold him and gently caress his skin.
So I throw back the duvet and sit up, then go searching for my t-shirt.
Marlon follows my cue and soon enough we’re both dressed again, like nothing’s ever happened. Only Marlon’s still slightly red lips and his messed-up hair remain as proof that it wasn’t just all a wonderful, long, detailed dream.
“Okay then.” Marlon looks uncertain, clearly not sure what he’s supposed to do now. He keeps looking at my mouth, but I don’t think I would survive another kiss.
“See you tomorrow!” My preppy brightness is false but Marlon believes it, or at least he doesn’t comment on it.
“Yeah,” he says and walks over to where his coat and hat lie on the floor. “Okay. Thanks, Freddie. And I—yeah.” A touch of forefinger to forehead, like a tiny salute. ”You’re staying here?”
I inject nonchalance that I don’t feel into my shrug. “For a bit, yeah. We shouldn’t be seen leaving here together.” It was bad enough to arrive together.
Marlon inhales sharply, as if he hadn’t thought about the risk associated with that at all, so far. “Oh. Yeah.”
Yeah. Welcome to the homophobic world of professional football. None of us like it here. I cover up my bitterness with a grin, which Marlon returns, hesitantly, then he pushes open the door and steps through it.
I exhale slowly and refuse to dwell on this meeting for longer than I have to. It was fun. It was a one-time thing. And I’ll jerk off now to the memory of the sounds Marlon made earlier, but it doesn’tmeananything. We’re back to being colleagues.
I’m in the dressing room early because I’m too in my head about last night and I need to calm down before I see Marlon again. My mind is reeling over something that was supposed to be a casual thing. A one night stand. I’ve had dozens of those.
Even Hadidja could tell when I got home and she was still up, checking some lab data on her laptop with the telly running in the background. I was rattled and I couldn’t hide it. Not that Ineed to hide anything, usually, but this time…I wanted to hide it from myself.
Hadidja is my girlfriend only in name, a fake relationship that benefits us both. So she’s never been bothered about my exploring and has done some of her own over the last year or so. Her parents never would have let her move out on her own, so her lifelong best friend turned boyfriend was the perfect front to put up. As for me…well, things like sneaking into hotels with men or visiting the occasional gay club are taken much less seriously when you’re in a committed, long-term relationship.
I love DJ like a sister and I know it's mutual, but I’ve never had actual romantic feelings for anyone. I’ve never missed it, either. I get companionship from DJ and sex from whomever I decide to hook up with.
With a sigh, I pull my hoodie off and slip a performance shirt on. Last night was the first time I ever experienced both in one person and it has rattled me. It’s because it was a new experience, I tell myself as I sit down to tie my trainers. It wasn’t about Marlon as a person.
It can’t be.
Because that would be really fucking dangerous.
In a sport with no out players, it’s bad enough we hooked up. Everyone would go mad if they found out, and not in a good way. To have feelings involved would be unthinkable.
So it’s a good thing there aren’t any.
I’m totally cool.
Still … the way his face lit up when he smiled at me? The way he reacted to my touch, like he wasn’t expecting it to be this good? I can’t stop replaying it in my head. The way hetrustedme, from the very first moment. The way heneededme, even if he didn’t want to admit it.
I busy myself with moving stuff around in my cubby, alarmed by my body’s reaction to these fairly tame thoughts. What am I,seventeen? Embarrassing instant boners were certainly not part of the plan.
“Mate.” Our centre-back Mofe plops down next to me and nudges me. The self-proclaimedBlack Diamondisn’t usually one for a serious conversation and I can see the mischief in his eyes now. “What’s up? I’ve never seen you quiet for this long. Everything good?”
“Yup,” I say, probably not very convincingly. A quick glance around the dressing room tells me it’s still fairly empty, the physios are already at work but the room itself only has a handful of people in it. No need to be nervous. It’s a normal question. He’s being a friend. There’s no way he can know or even suspect anything. “Super good.” Wow. Cool. That’s sure to get him off my back.
And, yeah. Mofe snorts. “Right.” His gaze turns serious for a moment. “You sure you’re good?”
“Yeah. Seriously, I’m fine,” I add when he obviously doesn’t believe me. From the corner of my eye, I catch our captain, Julian, looking over at us. Am I being that obvious? I get laid a lot, nobody’s ever said anything. So why today? Mofe is looking right at me. Julian isn’t, but I’m sure he’s listening. “Just … a long night.”
“Aaah.” Mofe’s usual grin is back. “I see. DJ and you still having fun, eh?”
My throat tightens for a moment, but I manage a grin.If you only knew, brother; you wouldn’t be grinning at me the way you are now.“A gentleman never tells.” I sound wrong, stilted and anxious when I’m usually the life of the party. So I add a wink for good measure, hoping that will make it more believable.
“All right! Nice one, mate.” Mofe thumps my shoulder, then, mercifully, moves on and pulls Julian into a conversation. That gets both of them off my case, I hope. Julian’s only a couple years older than me, younger than many other players on theteam, but he’s a great captain. Perceptive and with good instincts about when to step in and when to let things run their natural course. Plus, he’s a total snack with his dark curly hair and the confident grin.
