I glared at her as I chewed.
Apparently, she decided not to waste her breath because she said, “I’ll be back at dinnertime.”
When the door shut behind her, I threw my fork. It hit the door, making a dent in the wood, then fell to the floor. If only I could have chucked it at her head.
I did not reflect on my attitude after I was finished eating. Instead, I thought about Marc, replaying the time we’d spent together and imagining what our lives would be like when all this was over. Because it had to end eventually. He and I would leave this hellhole of a country. Maybe go to Canada or Europe. Or even better, somewhere tropical. I pictured living on a beach, swimming in the ocean with him, making love in the sand. It wasn’t a very likely scenario, but I didn’t care as long as we were together.
More in defiance of Hilary than because I was actually tired, I took a nap. It was short and even more plagued by dreams than my previous night’s sleep had been, but killed an hour, so I was satisfied when I woke. After that, sitting still was impossible, and since I had no other form of entertainment, I started pacing. It wasn’t until my tenth pass of the room that my gaze landed on the paper and pen Hilary had brought me. I froze. Had she meant to leave it? Would she expect it back? Could I possibly use one piece without her realizing?
I lifted the stack and thumbed through it, counting the pages. There were nearly a dozen left, which was nuts. Had she really expected me to write that many pages praising the government? No way. Would she notice if I used one? Probably not. And it wasn’t like I had anything else to do.
Deciding it was worth it, I took a seat at the table.
Before picking up the pen, I hadn’t really known what I was going to write, but once I had it in my hand, I realized it was obvious. Regardless of the nondisclosure agreement, I was going to write down every detail about my time in the program.
I kept an eye on the time as I wrote. Dinner was at six, so I planned to stash the paper in my dresser around five thirty. Just in case. There was no doubt in my mind that if Hilary walked inand saw me writing she would extend my punishment. If she read what I’d written, I would get shipped to a prison hospital for sure.
Unlike when I’d written my essay, my hand didn’t cramp once as I filled the page with my story. I wrote about getting the letter from the Department of Fertility, about my appointments and meetings, about being shipped here and how I’d been treated since. My writing was neat and small, allowing me space to get out every thought, to relay every fear I’d had since joining the program, to put every suspicion on paper. I didn’t know who I was writing to or why, I just knew I had to get the words out. Had to do something to counteract the bullshit Hilary had forced me to write.
By the time the lock clicked, my truth was tucked between a few items of clothing in my dresser.
When the door opened, Jane stepped into my room, tray in hand. I hadn’t thought I would hate the sight of anyone more than Hilary, but I’d been wrong. I really and truly despised this woman.
“Good evening, Miss Murphy.” She didn’t look at me as she crossed the room and set my tray on the table. “Minder Hilary had some things to attend to and asked me to deliver your food. I trust you’ve had a successful day of reflection.”
She turned to face me, her hands clasped in front of her and her expression expectant.
Unlike with Hilary, Jane wouldn’t be satisfied until I answered, so I mumbled, “Yes.”
“Good.” Her smile was forced and didn’t reach her eyes. “I was very impressed with your essay, although I’m not quite as gullible as Hilary, so forgive me if I’m not quite ready to believe you’ve seen the error of your ways.”
I didn’t bother to hide my sarcasm when I said, “You’re forgiven.”
Jane pressed her lips into a disapproving frown. “As I thought.”
My heart leapt to my throat when she headed for my dresser, and I almost jumped to my feet, but stopped myself when Irealized she was going for my lunch tray. For a wild second, I’d thought she knew what I’d written and where I’d stashed it.
“Someone will bring your food in the morning,” she said when she had my tray. “Do attempt a little reflection. It’s for your own good.”
I refused to respond.
Clearly put out by me, Jane sighed then slipped from the room.
I exhaled when I was once again alone.
The first thing I did was get the letter from my dresser. I held it as I looked around, trying to figure out where a good hiding place might be. Since there wasn’t much in the room, my options were limited, so I finally settled on stuffing it under the mattress. Hopefully, it would be safer there.
Dinner was no better or worse than usual and I ate most of it. What was left, I scraped into the toilet, then washed my face and changed for bed. I’d gotten very little rest the night before, and with nothing else to do, decided to turn in.
It was the middle of the night when I jerked awake. I wasn’t sure what had awoken me at first, but when the click of the door shutting cut through the silence, it hit me that someone was in my room. My mind whirled with possibilities, starting with Hilary or Jane coming to get the letter and ending with that asshole Richards sneaking into my room so he couldinseminateme. The last thought had me bolting upright.
“Shhh,” a masculine voice whispered. “It’s me.”
“Marc?” I said in a combination of relief and surprise.
The bed shifted, and his hand found my face, and I was enveloped by the familiar scent of the outdoors, and then he was pulling me toward him. Before I even had a chance to wonder how long I’d been asleep or if I had morning breath, his lips covered mine, and then I didn’t care because he had me on my back. Briefly, I wondered if this was a dream. Marc, after all, didn’t even know what my room number was. There’d been no reason to tell him. But when he shifted so he was between my legs, I knew it was reallyhappening.
“I came as soon as I could,” he whispered against my lips. “I’m sorry about all this. I am.”
