“It’s fine.” My words were a gasp because he was moving against me, rubbing me in all the right places. “I missed you.”
“I missed you,” he said, then kissed his way down my neck. “I never want to be away from you again.”
His mouth moved back up to mine, and we kissed for a little longer. When he pulled back, I was disappointed, but then I realized he was taking his clothes off and got busy removing my own. The sex was slow but urgent as well, and the way he held me, caressed me, could only be described as making love. And I did love him. I knew that for sure now. Loved him more than I’d ever loved another person. Loved him so much I thought I might actually die if we couldn’t be together.
More than once, I almost whispered the words but managed to hold them back. It wouldn’t be fair to tell him how I felt now. Not when I hadn’t told him about my past. That had to come first.
After we finished, I curled up next to him, my head on his chest. His skin was moist, and he was breathing heavily, and his heart thudded against my ear, the beats taunting me.
Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.
I had to tell him.
“Marc,” I said, my voice low in case someone was in the hall, “I need to tell you something.”
“I know.” He let out a small chuckle. “That was the reason I came here, but I got distracted.”
I couldn’t join in his levity. “Oh.”
He shifted so we were lying next to one another, and although the room was dark, I could make out his features. His expression was serious but guarded as well. Almost like he was expecting bad news.
“What is it? Is something wrong?”
I wondered what he thought I was going to say. Definitely not what I was about to tell him. That was for sure. No way he would expect me to drop a bomb like that.
Deciding to just spit it out, I said, “I was pregnant before.”
A beat of silence followed before he said, “I know. I mean, I saw you go to and from your appointments, saw you leave that day in a wheelchair. It was kind of obvious what had happened.”
Of course, he thought that was what I was referring to. If only that was it.
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“It’s not.” Again, there was a pause. “What, then?”
Wanting to tell him before I chickened out, I started talking. “When I was sixteen, I got pregnant. My mom found an underground group and sent me to California where I had an abortion. I know it’s horrible, I know it’s illegal and immoral, but I’m not sorry. I also understand if it changes how you feel about me.”
I’d said it all in one breath, exhaling when I was done before sucking in another deep breath. I held it as the silence following my revelation stretched out. It was longer than any of the previous silences. So long I began to sweat, and my lungs started to burn. He hated me now. Was disgusted by me. Even worse, he was going to turn me in. That was how repulsive he found me. I was a monster in his eyes.
I never should have told him.
Tears filled my eyes, but I sniffed them back. I would not cry in front of him. I refused to.
“Ara,” Marc said, finally breaking the silence, “were you afraid to tell me that?”
I tried a second time to sniff back the tears, but they spilled over anyway, and a sob broke out of me. More followed, shaking my body.
Somehow, despite the emotion bursting out of me, I managed to whisper, “Of course, I was afraid.”
The bed shifted when Marc scooted toward me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, pressing his lips to my forehead, and I started crying harder. He was hugging me. That had to be a good sign, didn’t it?
“God, Ara. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult that wasfor you and how hard it was to admit it to me. I get why you were worried, but you have to know there’s nothing you could ever say or do that would change how I feel about you. I love you. More than anything.”
Joy burst through me. He didn’t think I was a monster; he didn’t hate me. He loved me.
“I love you,” I said through my sobs.
Marc’s mouth found mine in the darkness, and I clung to him, kissing him back, happier than I’d ever been because the man I loved, loved me too.
