"I'm not hoping it turns into more. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don't want another one. Not right now. And I need time to get over my anger with men. I'm still angry at my dad, and now I'm angry at Chad. I'm almost positive he was cheating on me. I trusted him and he lied to me, just like my dad. I need to be able to trust again before I get into another relationship."
"Really?" she says, raising her brow. "You seriously believe that?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're trying to rationalize how you can stay with Dean without expecting more. The heart doesn't do rational, and your heart's already in this thing with Dean."
"No, it's not." I check the time. "Can we talk later? I want to get to class a little early."
"Let me guess, to see Dean?" She rolls her eyes.
"See you later." I give her a quick hug. "Have a good day!"
I hurry to class. When I get there my heart does this fluttery thing when I see Dean sitting there. His head is down and he's looking at his phone.
"I did it," I say, standing next to his desk. "I broke up with Chad."
"Good," he mutters, staring at his phone.
"Dean, c'mon, show some excitement. This is big news!"
He looks up at me. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair's a mess, and he's wearing the same clothes he wore last night. They're wrinkled and there's a small red stain on his shirt that looks like ketchup, or maybe blood.
"Dean, what happened?" I crouch down to his level but he won't look at me, his eyes lowering to his desk.
"Leave me alone," he says in a low monotone voice.
"What?"
His head rises and he looks in my eyes. "I said leave me alone."
"Why? What's going on?"
"I can't talk about it, and I'm not going to, so stop asking me questions. And don't come over tonight, or any night this week. Even if Jake calls and asks you to, I don't want you coming over."
"I don't understand."
"You don't need to. This isn't about you."
"Then what's it about?"
"Didn't I just tell you not to ask me about it?" he says, sounding annoyed.
"Yeah, but I don't know why you can't talk to me. I thought we were friends."
He nods toward the front of the room. "The teacher's here. You should do sit down."
I go to my seat, feeling lost and confused. I've dropped to the bottom of the roller coaster again. Last night I was high in the air, feeling like I couldn't go any higher, and now I've just fallen fast and hard to the ground.
Why does he keep doing this? Just when I think we're good, he turns on me and becomes the old Dean again.
As class begins, I look over at Dean but he won't look back. He either stares at the floor or looks at his phone.
Something happened, but what? Did he fight with Jacob? He would tell me if he did. Maybe it's something to do with football. Maybe he got in a fight with his coach or someone on his team. Or maybe it's money. Maybe he ran out and doesn't have money to pay his bills.
After class, he doesn't even acknowledge me when I tell him goodbye. When I see him at our lockers later, he doesn't even look at me. I'm not even sure he noticed me. He looked like he was in a trance, just going through the motions of opening and closing his locker. I'm worried about him. I've never seen him like this.
"What's going on with Dean?" Eve asks when she stops at my locker at the end of the day.
