"There isn't a guy. I'm breaking up with you because I don't want this anymore."
"I get it," he says in a condescending tone. "You're trying to get back at your dad for leaving so you found some tattooed thug from your new school to play your boyfriend to make your dad pay attention to you again."
"That is NOT what I'm doing," I say, my blood boiling.
How dare he accuse me of that! He refuses to accept the idea that I might actually have a brain capable of making decisions I feel are best for me. To Chad, I'm just some stupid girl who does things out of some desperate attempt to get daddy's attention.
"It's exactly what you're doing," he says. "I bet they're skull tats and they go down his neck." He laughs. "Does he shave his head? Have piercings? Drive a motorcycle? If not, you should try to find someone like that. That would really get your dad's attention."
"Are you done now?" I snap. "Because I am. I'm done. With all of it. Our relationship is over. Don't bother calling me back because I have nothing more to say. Go be with Tamara. I'm sure you two will be very happy together. Oh, and good luck with the tennis. You suck at it, by the way. Everyone was afraid to tell you, but I'm not. Not anymore. Oh, and you suck at sex. I faked it every damn time. Bye, Chad. Have a nice life."
I hit the red circle on the phone extra hard, ending the call, then I toss the phone on my bed and take a long deep breath.
I did it. I broke up with him, and it felt so freaking good. I probably could've left out the insults at the end but whatever. He's insulted me plenty of times over the years, including tonight.
Letting him go, I already feel lighter, like he's been weighing me down. I feel free. Free from having to work nonstop to get his approval. Free from having to dress the way he likes, do my hair the way he likes, and most of all? Free to stop pretending to be happy when I'm not. I can't even remember the last time I truly felt happy with Chad. And even when I did, it was never the type of happiness I feel with Dean.
It's so different with him. I feel like I can be myself. I can dress how I want and do my hair how I want and he still looks at me like I'm the most beautiful girl ever. Even when I'm running late and show up to school without makeup, Dean looks at me that way. If Chad saw me like that, he'd make some mean comment and tell me to go in the bathroom and fix my face.
And I can talk to Dean, like truly say what I'm feeling, without feeling like I'll be judged or criticized. In the few times I've held back, afraid to tell him something, he calls me on it and I end up telling him. I always feel better after I do. It brings us closer and makes me want to tell him more.
I go to bed, and sleep better than I have in months. Getting rid of Chad, I feel at peace. I feel calm and relaxed. I no longer have to worry who he's out with, or if he's lying to me, or if he'll call me back. Those worries are gone and I can put that energy towards my new life. And Dean.
* * *
The next morning,I can't wait to see Dean and tell him the news. It won't change our agreement, but we won't have the boyfriend thing lingering in our minds when we're making out. I know it bothered Dean that I hadn't broken up with Chad. It bothered me too, but then I thought of Chad being with Tamara and didn't feel that guilty about kissing Dean. Now that guilt is gone and Dean and I can do what we want. I'd love a repeat of last night. I've never had that done to me. I heard it was good but I never imagined it'd bethatgood. My face is heating up just thinking about it.
"What's up with you?" Eve asks, showing up at my locker. "Are you sick?"
"No. Why?"
"Your face is all red." She points to it.
"It's a rosy glow," I say, smiling. "It happens when you break up with a selfish asshole who lied and cheated and made you feel like crap."
Her jaw drops. "You actually did it?"
"I did." I inhale a deep breath. "And it feels so amazing. If I knew it'd feel this good I would've done it a long time ago."
"Congratulations!" she says, giving me a high-five.
"Thanks!" I close my locker.
"So what happens now? You're not going after Dean, are you?"
"Dean and I are just friends. I'll be spending more time with him but only as a friend."
She leans closer to me, lowering her voice. "You said you kissed him."
I wasn't going to tell her that, but after it happened I couldn't keep it a secret. I had to tell someone, and she's the only one I could tell.
"Yeah? So? Friends can kiss."
She gives me a deadpan stare. "You're friends with my brother. Would you kiss him?"
"No! I'm not saying I'd kissallmy friends. I'm saying there's nothing wrong with kissing a friend you might have an attraction to."
"It's wrong if you're hoping it'll turn into more when the other person doesn't want that."
