“My dad was begging them to stop. Then one of the guys grabbed me. My hands…my hands were tied behind my back…”
I closed my eyes as a fresh wave of guilt washed through me. “Jesus, Seth, I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I tried to be brave. I thought if I screamed, it would be so much harder for my dad.” Seth shook his head against my chest. “It hurt too much. They kept cutting me over and over. My stomach, my chest. My father was screaming and crying. Then they stabbed me before going after him. My mom…she’d finally stopped screaming at some point.”
I held Seth as he continued to softly cry against me. Finally, hepulled back and I dropped my arms. “I just got scared, Ronan. But not of you…not of what you were doing.”
I managed a nod even though his words did nothing to ease my guilt. No matter what the outcome, I never should have touched him. I remembered his inexperienced kisses and another layer of shame fell on my already heavy shoulders. “Seth, was that the first time someone touched you like that?” I asked.
His eyes dropped to the sand and I saw his pale cheeks flush with color.
Fuck.
“It won’t happen again,” I finally said. “It can’t.”
“But-”
“It can’t,” I repeated firmly, my eyes pinning him. The strands of his hair were starting to grow heavy with moisture and I noticed the way his skin glistened beneath the light drizzle. But when a shiver went through his body, I said, “Let’s go back to the house.”
He nodded but didn’t move. I finally moved past him and hoped that he would follow.
He did.
After we’d reachedthe house, I’d urged Seth to take a shower and I’d used the time to retrieve my car which was parked about a half a mile from the house, on a small dirt road that provided access to the woods behind the Nichols estate. I had no trouble getting through the security gate at the end of the driveway since the code was exactly the same as it had been years ago when Trace had brought me here to meet his family. Back then, the house had been alive with warmth and happiness and I’d reveled in being so easily accepted into the fold. The concept of family was as foreign to me as my sexuality being accepted without question or contempt.
I’d met Trace Nichols at one of the most chaotic points in my life and I’d done everything in my power to discourage his pursuit of me. And that was exactly what it had been…a pursuit.
Eight yearsearlier
“Excuse me,” I murmured without looking up at whomever I’d bumped into as they were getting off the elevator just as I was stepping on to it.
“No problem.”
The husky voice caught my attention and I lifted my eyes from the chart I’d been reviewing and nearly stumbled at the sight of the young soldier watching me intently as he stood in the elevator opening, his body preventing the door from closing. I swallowed hard at how beautiful he was but common sense returned quickly and I dropped my eyes. I forced myself to keep my breathing slow and even as I tried to focus on the lab results I’d been studying, but my curiosity got the better of me when I didn’t hear the elevator door slide shut and I shifted my eyes up for just a moment. The gorgeous man hadn’t moved at all and his eyes were watching me with such open hunger, that I felt my dick responding instantly. I didn’t need gaydar to know what his look meant and based on the way he was staring at me, his gaydar was working just fine…that or he didn’t care whether it was or not.
There were no other people on the elevator or milling around the bank of elevators, but his open interest was making me uncomfortable, both physically and mentally, so I said, “Um, did you want to get off?”
He smiled widely at that and it hit me how the question must have sounded. To my dismay, he stepped back into the elevator and released the door which instantly slid shut, closing us off in the small space. I’d already pressed my floor and I watched in mute fascination as he began pressing every button between the floor we were on and the floor I was going to. And then he was moving to stand next to me, despite the ample amount of space available in the elevator car.
“I’m Trace,” he said softly as his eyes traveled up and down the length of my body. I was insanely glad for the long white doctor’s coat I was wearing because it hid my very obvious physical reaction to his perusal. “What’s your name?”
The elevator stopped and I held my breath to see if anyone else was getting on. I wasn’t sure if I wanted there to be someone on the other side of the door when it opened or not. There wasn’t.
I let out a nervous chuckle and returned my attention to the chart. He didn’t need to know that I was having trouble focusing on it.
I’d known I was gay for a very long time and while I hadn’t ever tried to deny it, I’d kept it close to the vest just like I did all the other personal details of my life. It was something I’d learned to do early on when my father discovered me kissing my eighth grade lab partner in my room during a study session. What had happened afterwards hadn’t been good for me.
I’d dated a few guys here and there in college and medical school but my busy schedule had often meant an early end to any potential long-term relationships. That had left random hooks-ups in bars and clubs that often left me feeling cheap and dirty as soon as the less than spectacular orgasm wore off. And since I regularly bottomed, I wasn’t even always guaranteed said orgasm, at least not one that I couldn’t have gotten on my own anyway.
“Dr. Grisham,” Trace murmured and I looked down to see his fingers straightening the fabric of my jacket so he could read the name stitched on the pocket of my coat.
“Was there something you needed, Staff Sargent?” I asked as I scanned his insignia on his uniform. The rank surprised me considering he seemed to only be in his early twenties. His bright green eyes sparkled as he smiled at me and I realized I’d asked him yet another open ended question that I already suspected how he wanted to answer. “Forget I said that,” I said with a smile of my own.
The elevator made another stop but I was strangely glad when no one got on.
“Yes and yes,” Trace said as he shifted even closer to me.
I looked at him in confusion. “Yes to the first question, yes to the second,” he drawled as his eyes fell to my mouth. “What’s your name, Doc?”
