“Seth, open your eyes,” I commanded shakily.
What the hell had I done?
The reality of the situation slammed into me so hard that my knees actually buckled. “Seth, please,” I whispered as I ran my thumbs over his wet cheeks. The move did nothing to stem his tears but he finally opened his eyes.
“My hands,” he croaked. “Please…”
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I carefully turned him around so he was facing the mirror and quickly worked the knot on the belt loose. As soon as his hands were free, he dropped them to the counter and hung his head. I ached to reach out and pull him into my arms but I couldn’t move, couldn’t think. I couldn’t even find any words to tell him how sorry I was for what I’d done.
And then his gaze lifted to meet mine in the mirror and I sucked in a strangled breath. Fear, confusion…shame – they were all I saw.
I shook my head and tore my eyes from his. I barely managed to tuck my now flaccid dick back into my pants and close them as I rushed from the room, leaving him there exposed and vulnerable and…fuck…broken.
He foundme easily because unlike the last time Seth’s touch had destroyed me, I hadn’t run. Not because I didn’t want to – I did. I wanted nothing more than to get away from this place that reminded me of what I’d lost…of what I’d become. But as much as I needed to escape, my gut was telling me that I couldn’t leave just yet.
“Ronan, it’s cold. Would you come inside please?” Seth asked as he came to a stop on the sand next to me. It had started drizzling within minutes of me fleeing the house but the moisture had felt good on my heated face. It had taken only a few minutes to make my way down thehill and I had no trouble finding the path that led to the beach. I’d ended up walking for a while before I’d forced myself to turn around and head back towards the house. But I couldn’t make myself go back up to it so I’d sat down on an old, weathered log that had washed up onto the shore some time ago based on its distance from the water.
I didn’t respond to Seth and when he sat down next to me, I saw that his wrists were still red from where he’d fought the bindings. Nausea rolled through me and I shifted away from him so no part of his body even stood a remote chance of touching mine.
“I’m sorry, Ronan,” I heard him whisper.
I was certain I was going to throw up at his words and actually had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat.
“What?” I managed to croak.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“Jesus, Seth,” I groaned as I got to my feet and took a few steps forward. “You don’t have a fucking thing to be sorry for,” I said harshly. “God, I almost…”
I couldn’t even finish the word because it was so disgusting and ugly.
“Ronan,” Seth said and I felt him come up behind me. His hand closed over my arm and I immediately stepped out of his reach. He got the message and stepped around me but kept his distance. “Ronan, I wanted what happened between us. You must know that’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he admitted quietly.
I shook my head and turned away from him with the intention of making my way back down the beach but he blocked my path.
“I panicked because I couldn’t get my hands free...”
Yeah, because I’d treated him like every cheap fuck I’d had in the years since Trace’s death and I’d tainted him with the stain of my dark, twisted need.
“Seth, you don’t have to explain. What I did to you was unforgiveable.”
Seth seemed agitated as he studied me. Finally, he said, “Trace never told you, did he?”
“Told me what?”
“About what really happened that day.”
I knew exactly what day he was referring to because there were only two days in Seth’s life that he would refer to that way and Trace had only been alive for one of them. I’d been with Trace when he’d gotten the call that his family had been attacked during a brutal home invasion. At fourteen, Seth had been the only one who’d survived the nightmare and even then, it had been close because he’d been stabbed repeatedly. Trace and I had both been deployed in Afghanistan at the time and I hadn’t been able to get leave to return with him to the States, since we’d needed to keep our relationship under wraps.
“What do you mean?” I asked as fear of what I would hear churned in my gut. Trace had been tight-lipped about the whole incident, but I’d always attributed his reluctance to discuss it as being due to the brutal way in which his parents had been killed.
“The men…they were convinced that my dad had a safe in the house. They didn’t believe him when he said he didn’t, so they used me and my mom to force him to talk.”
I shook my head in disbelief as I began to understand what he was telling me.
“My mom…one of the guys, he took her upstairs. We could hear her screaming…” Seth managed to get out before he began sobbing. Even though I’d told myself I wouldn’t touch him again, I dragged him into my arms and wrapped my arms around him as his tears soaked through my shirt. I dropped my lips to the top his head.
