They are literally taking his car apart to get him out and it’s not nice to watch, but when they free Harper gently and he walks to the medical car, the tempo of the world around me falls back into place.
‘Jo, Harper’s okay. Car’s fucked but he’s out and walking,’ I confirm.
His voice is shaking as he replies, ‘Thank you, Caleb. Tell Nils I’ll win this one for him.’
‘Yeah. He’s not happy. Can’t believe that he was in third and now he’s out.’
‘I bet he’s pissed. Who’s behind me now?’
‘Elijah, and with Harper out, the second this safety car disappears he’s going to be up your ass, so we’re going to need to get some speed to pull away from him.’
‘How many laps to go?’
‘Eleven,’ I reply. Eleven long laps for him to defend.
Plenty of time for him to find some pace again. Two more slow laps pass, and finally the green flag appears and the safety car slips back off the track and he’s off again, picking up speed as quickly as he possibly can.
I know he’ll do his absolute best to bring it home. No doubt every sports channel in the world aired his promise to Nils and Nils will one hundred per cent hold it against him if he doesn’t keep to his word.
ChapterThirty-One
Johannes
It would be the biggest lie in the world to say I feel level-headed as I race into the sixty-first lap at the Circuit of the Americas.
I’ve had to force my hands to stop shaking and I can feel sweat dripping down my forehead– and not just because it’s a warm evening in Texas. Disturbing images that I can’t seem to shake flash before my eyes of both my best friend and teammate in a tangled, bloody heap on the side of the track. I know it’s not the case, I know they’re both out of their cars and conscious, which is what’s important, but it doesn’t stop the way my thoughts race.
This sport. I mustn’t think about it whilst I’m still behind the wheel. I need to focus on the road. Need to focus. The laps of the safety car fucked my tyres a little, but with Elijah behind me I know he’s probably feeling a lot like me right now and he won’t be one hundred per cent with it either. This should be an easy one-two to take it home for both of our teammates, but we both know the sport doesn’t always work like that.
‘Caleb?’ I ask. ‘Can you talk to me a little? I need something to drown my thoughts out.’ I shouldn’t be asking this on the radio, not when these channels can be broadcast live on sports networks all across the world, but I need him right now. I need a little soothing.
He might resent me a little. Might think I made him my rebound or second choice. Or that I was still in love with stupid Jackson, but he’s still my race engineer and I know he takes that job seriously; and if this is what I need to get through the next eleven laps he’ll do it.
‘I have eleven nieces and nephews,’ he starts, telling me again about his family, and I finally allow myself to get comfortable in the chair again, eyes solely on making sure I’m not fucking up. My brain relaxes again. ‘Big family, the youngest of four brothers and I was a big surprise. There’s nineteen years between my next brother, Gregg, and then twenty between me and Damon and twenty-two between me and Joshy. They’ll love that they might get a mention on TV. I taught them to love this sport. They were all football stars growing up. American that is, not the other kind. Soccer.’
I pull a face at the word.Soccer. Nope. It will always be football and he knows that.
‘There’s only six years between me and my oldest niece, Laurie. I was an uncle at six, isn’t that wild?’
I hum, because it is. Having no siblings, I won’t ever get to experience that, but I can imagine Caleb is an incredible uncle. He’s very doting, even on me, and I’m nothing but a pain in his ass– literally– sometimes. He must love being able to make eleven nieces and nephews feel special.
‘They are also a wide range of ages with Laurie being the oldest and then Brent the youngest at just four. It makes for very loud Thanksgivings and Christmases, but I don’t think my family would have them any other way. Ma loves hosting us all. They built an extension on the family house when my brothers started having babies. Their wives, I mean, not them. It meant there was always space for everyone to stay, for everyone to sit comfortably at dinner and TV time.’
I can picture it. Even though he’s spoken about his parents and siblings before, I imagine him at home with them now.
‘I bet it’s cosy and full of love,’ I say.
‘It’s very loud, but in the best possible way. All that joy in one building.’
‘I bet you’re looking forward to winter break so you can see them,’ I say. We’ll be apart. It’ll be the longest we’ll have been apart since getting to know each other. I can’t think about that now. I can’t imagine not seeing him all the time, hearing from him every day, being able to sneak into his room or him into mine and get completely wrapped up in him. I’ll miss him in a way I don’t think I’ve ever missed another person before.
His lanky frame in my bed, the way he likes to snuggle on my chest. His face in the morning when he squints to find his glasses because he insists he’s basically blind without them.
‘I really am.’ His voice is so soft and the only thing I’m aware of now is the track and the way he’s talking to me. Nothing else. He’s so good at this. He should do audio books or something. ‘Five laps to go, Jo. You’ve put an eight-second gap between you and Elijah. Beautiful pace. Because of the safety car you’ve got a lot of clean air out ahead. I don’t think you’ll lap anyone before the end at this rate.’
That’s good to know. Ten minutes and the race will be over. I’ll be able to get out of the car and see for myself that the two of them are okay. Caleb continues to talk about his family and his childhood, and his words keep me going. The dulcet sounds of his voice lull me into a sense of safety and familiarity that strips away the panic I felt at hearing about Nils and Harper, and it drives me to finish the race.
* * *
