It’s hard to celebrate coming out on top with everything that happened during the race. I don’t even need to be told by our PR team to downplay my excitement about the win, because I’m already there. It’s a great and much-needed twenty-five points, but not at the expense of two other drivers. My team cheers for me, but I just want to find Caleb and get an update.
I push through a crowd of sweaty engineers in RBF suits until I find him.
‘How are they?’ I ask, the second I get to him. I wish I could steal a private moment with Caleb and get a hug from him– I really need it right now– but there are too many people around. Too many prying eyes already trying to catch my reaction to the race and the crash.
‘Harper’s right side was hurting so they’ve taken him in to be X-rayed and Nils went behind them. He’s going to have a head scan and be kept in at least overnight for concussion check, but mostly they are okay.’
I know I have so much to do after the win today, but all I want is to get to the hospital and see them. The worst part is, I know they’ll be showing the accident on repeat in the cool-down room, and I can’t think of anything worse than having to watch that right now.
I can’t even work myself up to fake excitement on the podium when Nils and Harper are in the hospital, but I know I don’t have a choice. The fans who travel pay so much money to see this, to watch the podium celebrations from the track.
Yet I still can’t shake the cold sweat that prickles my back, my mind still trapped in those silent, slow minutes in the car when nothing felt real and the world stilled around me.
‘Hey,’ Caleb says softly, reaching out to touch my arm. ‘You okay?’
I shake my head, ‘No, fuck. Can you convince Nathan to let me to sneak out the back door? I just want to see them both.’
‘Not a chance in hell, but we’ll rush you through as quickly as possible. Media will understand, and I’ll talk to PR myself, if I have to. They can put some kind of statement out saying you headed straight from podium to go be with your teammate. Positive spin or whatever.’
I lean into his touch, wishing I could tumble into his arms right now and let him hold me. Maybe there the world wouldn’t feel so fucking flat.
‘I’m going to hug you, okay?’ Caleb says. ‘Just for a second, because you look like you need one. And no one in the world would dispute a hug between a driver and his race engineer, especially after the race you’ve just had.’
I fold into his arms and let him hold me, and I don’t care what anyone says about us. About this. Make it what they want. All it actually is, is him giving me the comfort I need.
I make every second count as his arms wrap round me, engulfing my body. Breathing in his amber scent, I allow myself to relax for a moment, limbs softening as I let him hold me up. It’s over all too soon, though, and he takes all the comfort with him when he goes.
Abi guides me to the cool-down room.
‘Doing okay?’ Elijah asks as I pull on my winner’s cap and glug down half a bottle of water. I drop into the seat next to him and catch his hands gripping the underside of the chair. He’s probably the only person who gets it right now.
‘Ish,’ I reply, wiping sweat off my head before pulling on the cap. ‘What the fuck happened?’
‘Missed debris on the track, from what I understand from Cole. Harper must have seen it or clipped it, and he swerved, but Nils couldn’t slow down and they basically wiped each other out. Harper was going faster, and when they were spinning, he ended up hitting Nils and flipping the car. Don’t fucking watch it, man. My heart was in my throat when I caught the replay. Trust me.’
It’s definitely not something I will be seeking out anytime soon, not until I’ve seen in person that they are both alive and well with no permanent damage.
I know the cameras in here are streaming us across the world, so I limit what I say.
‘I just hope they’re both okay. Caleb says Nils has a concussion. He was chatting a lot of shit apparently and they need to do some scans.’
‘Sounds like Nils.’ Briefly, we both laugh, before the mood sours as they start to show the crash on the screen in the cool-down room.
‘Jesus, fuck,’ I groan as I bear full witness to the way Nils rolls three times before the barriers catch him from flying out of the circuit completely.
‘He’s lucky to have got away with just a concussion. That’s a nasty crash. Ash said Harper was doing okay but he was in pain, so they obviously want to get him fully checked out in the hospital.’
Which makes sense, they don’t want to miss anything and have him end up with a serious injury or an internal bleed or whatever. Fuck, I can’t even think about it.
‘Sometimes you forget how brutal it can be out there. I hope an official complaint is made about that debris. Even I could see it in that video. There’s no reason it should have been missed.’ I make a mental note to make sure Caleb pushes for the issue to be raised, given it could have been so much worse if there were more cars involved or if the cars had been going any faster.
Up on the podium, Ogum sprays us both with Champagne and I’m glad to keep a change of clothes in my cubby here because I don’t want to go and sit in the hospital in a sticky, uncomfortable mess. I feel sorry for Ogum, because it’s been a while since he’s been up here and it must be exciting for him to score the big points, but I can’t think about anything but my friends.
The second we’re allowed down from the podium, I storm through the garage as far away from the press line as possible. I get changed and pull out my phone as I jog towards the cars.
‘Hey, you ready?’ Caleb calls after me. He’s clearly been waiting for me.
‘Ready?’ I ask. I thought the team had agreed for me to skip the interviews? ‘I can’t talk to anyone right now, Caleb. I just want to make sure they’re okay.’
