Me
Heading out early. See you tomorrow.
His response came back immediately.
Tank
You okay? Want me to come with?
Me
I’m good. Just tired. Have fun.
The lie came easily, but it wasn’t entirely false. I was tired. Tired of pretending I could go back to the way things were before, tired of trying to feel something for people who weren’t Nils, tired of fighting against what I actually wanted.
The drive to Nils’s apartment complex took fifteen minutes, during which I went through several possible scenarios for when I got there. I wasn’t looking for anything specific, wasn’t expecting him to suddenly decide that our situation was simple or that professional boundaries didn’t matter.
I just needed him to know. Needed to be honest about what I was feeling, even if nothing could come of it.
The parking lot was mostly empty, and most of the windows in the building were dark. It was past eleven on a Sunday night, and normal people were probably getting ready for bed, preparing for Monday-morning responsibilities.
But I’d never been particularly good at being normal.
I climbed the stairs to the second floor and knocked on Nils’s door, suddenly aware that I was still wearing the vampire costume. Cape, fake fangs I’d forgotten to take out, pale make-up that probably looked ridiculous under the hallway lighting.
A pause, then the sound of locks being undone. The door opened to reveal Nils in sweatpants and a T-shirt, hair messed up like he’d been lying down, expression at first concerned, but then he grinned. “Nice costume.”
“Halloween party. Obviously.”
“Obviously. Come in.”
I followed him into the living room, suddenly feeling ridiculous in the cape and make-up. I quickly took out the fangs and untied the cape. Not much I could do about the make-up. “Sorry for showing up so late. I know it’s a school night.”
“It’s fine. Are you sure everything is okay? You seem…” He studied my face more carefully. “Different.”
“I need to tell you something.”
Something in my tone must’ve alerted him to the seriousness of the conversation, because he gestured for me to sit down and took the chair across from me instead of the couch.
“What is it?”
“I was at this party tonight. Sigma Chi, the whole team was there. Halloween thing.”
“Okay.”
“And I ran into this girl I used to hook up with. Ellie. She made it pretty clear she was interested in picking up where we left off.”
Nils’s expression became carefully neutral, the way it did when he was trying not to react to something. “I see.”
“She’s beautiful. Smart, funny, exactly the type of person I’ve always been attracted to. Six months ago, I would’ve been all over that opportunity.”
“But you weren’t.”
“No, I wasn’t. Because all I could think about was you.”
The words hung in the air between us, more honest than anything I’d ever said to another person.
Nils went very still, his eyes searching my face like he was trying to determine if I was serious. “Adan?—”
